“I just don’t fit in!”
I repeated that line for most of my young life. As far back as I can remember, I struggled with my self-worth, never feeling like I measured up to those around me.
No matter how hard I tried, I consistently failed. It didn’t help that I had a terrible speech impediment. My speech was so bad that my grandmother could not understand me. The kids at school teased and laughed. I felt broken beyond repair. I attended speech therapy in the first grade.
Ironic, isn’t it, that God would eventually call me to preach?
My feelings of inadequacy increased at age nine when I was molested. I wrestled constantly with overwhelming pain and confusion, not understanding why such things were happening to me.
By the time I was a teen, I’d given up trying to earn approval. Instead I went into full-blown rebellion. I withdrew from the world—it didn’t want me anyway.
I turned to drugs and alcohol as an escape, attempting to dull my inner pain and the memories. My drug use increased as I pushed the limits for a bigger buzz and a higher high. There was not a drug I wouldn’t use if given the opportunity.
My drug buddies liked to twist an old Life cereal commercial, saying, “Give it to Mikey. He’ll try it. He’ll try anything.” I didn’t care—at least this group of fellow drug users accepted me.
It would take much hardship and loss to finally discover the One who truly accepted me and could lead me to a better life.
I received Jesus as my Savior at the age of 27, and immediately, I was all in for Him. I held nothing back, living as hard for Him as I had for drugs all those years before.
My recovery was miraculous, but I continued to struggle with my identity, as I still equated my concept of self-worth with performance. I was desperate for people to accept me, but I didn’t know how to win their approval.
I began serving as a pastor in 1991, carrying with me that same need. I was so afraid of failing to meet the expectations of those I was leading that I made myself sick.
I quickly learned that I could not please everyone, but instead of giving my efforts to God, I just kept working harder. The result wasn’t a pleased congregation—it was personal exhaustion, complete with headaches, stomach disorders, poor concentration, and worry. I lost important relationships as I attempted to earn the approval of people I’d never please.
Finally, I realized Jesus didn’t want me to live that way. He wanted me to experience a whole and abundant life (John 10:10). He wants that for all of us, no matter who or where we are.
A common obstacle to living out the full life God intends for us is the false belief that our value originates from what we do. We end up working ourselves to death trying to become who we think we’re “supposed” to be.
If that’s you, let me share the good news that finally set me free: Our value isn’t in what we do but in who we are, especially as believers. Our value is realized in our relationship with God.
It’s about our “being,” not our “doing.” In Ephesians 1, God says that once we place our faith in His Son, we are blessed, chosen, predestined, redeemed, forgiven, and sealed. We are also included. Ephesians 1:13 says you “were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation” (NIV).
Did you hear that? You are included.
So, in a world where you don’t fit in, look to God for your worth and acceptance. He accepts you because of who you are. You’re His if you have put your faith in His Son for salvation.
Receive that truth, and you will experience the full life only God can provide.
Michael Dixon surrendered to God after childhood trauma and addiction nearly destroyed him. Today, Michael is a pastor, author, licensed addiction specialist, and director of L.I.F.E. Ministries. His curriculum, L.I.F.E. Ministries, helps others find wholeness and freedom in Christ Jesus. It can be purchased on Amazon and can be viewed by the incarcerated on Edovo and through VL’s platform on Pando.
