You’ve probably just read my husband’s story, starting on page 10. When I met Darren, I was a hot mess, thirsty for love and trying to wash my pain away in an endless river of alcohol. Darren was sober, but he, too, had many unresolved issues. He tried to help me find sobriety, but a person must want sobriety for themselves before real change can occur. I wasn’t ready for that—I just knew Darren could meet my most obvious needs. So we got married and things were good…until the pain of my past pulled me back into its grasp.

Growing up, I had no idea what a healthy relationship looked like. I’d never experienced true love from a man. As far as my biological father is concerned, I only remember him screaming and pulling my arm out of its socket when he was in a fit of rage. One day, he disappeared, my parents divorced, and that was that.

My mom remarried a man I’ve since called Dad. I was initially excited to have a new father and seven new siblings, but the novelty quickly wore off. Mom and Dad worked hard to love and provide for us, but my young self couldn’t see it. All I knew was that nobody seemed to have time for me anymore, and I grew resentful.

I started working a newspaper route at 11, delivering papers door to door and collecting money for subscriptions. Being young and vulnerable, I was easily coerced into the homes of grown men, where I was molested on three separate occasions. I had no idea I was being abused; I was just glad someone was paying attention to me.

I was furious when Mom made me quit the job after a young girl disappeared while collecting money on our route. Who would pay attention to me now?

I quickly set out to find a new source of attention. This time, I turned to the stoners. My new girlfriends and I smoked weed, drank, and partied with grown men who knew we were underage but didn’t care. We’d go so far as to put on our bikinis and hitchhike. We were 12! It’s only by God’s grace I’m alive.

It’s incredible how far the thirst for love and attention will take a person.

Other friends could get high and stop for a while, but not me. I was continually looking for more. I shoplifted booze, drank until I was sick, and did it all again the next day. It never occurred to me that my behavior was abnormal.

I was arrested for possession of marijuana at age 13. The judge didn’t appreciate my attitude and doubled the fine. “You’re out of control, young lady,” he said. “This should teach you!”

It didn’t. I was just getting started.

My quest for love and attention took me into countless unhealthy relationships. My promiscuity was out of control. I gave myself to anyone who wanted me. And I received nothing in return except more wounds in my soul.

At 15, I became pregnant by my boyfriend and had a son. We got married, and two years later, we had another son. Our marriage didn’t stand a chance. We were kids with nothing in common but two children and a crack habit. Domestic violence, homelessness, and addiction were the norm until I finally mustered up the courage to take our boys and leave. My husband died in a tragic car accident soon after.

I stopped drinking and getting high so I could move in with my mother, but I quickly grew bored with sobriety and moved back out to party. I got married again, had another son, and fell back into the familiar pattern of drinking, violence, and dysfunction. Five years later, I grew tired of the beatings and left.

I married a Christian man next, hoping to have a better outcome. Unfortunately, beyond sitting in a pew at church, our lives were not built on Christian values. Nor had I repented of my sinful ways. I wore many masks, constantly pretending I was something I wasn’t.

I had two sons with this husband, but after the second one, postpartum depression set in. I fought hard against the abnormal and frightening thoughts I had toward my kids and myself. I turned to alcohol and medicine to silence the noise.

I hit the bars, stayed out all night, and came home drunk. My husband wasn’t having it, though. One night, our argument grew violent. At 29, I was charged with domestic violence, served a restraining order, slapped with divorce papers, and lost custody of my two youngest sons.

You’d think that would wake me up, that I’d put the bottle down and search for help—but no. I grew more desperate to find love, attention, and much-needed provision. I had many mouths to feed.

I had trouble landing a man, though. I joked one day to a friend that my minivan was ruining my dating life. Every time a man saw my van, complete with car seats, he ran in the opposite direction. My friend laughed and connected me with his friend, Darren Cooney, who sold cars. Maybe he could set me up with a new ride.

Darren didn’t sell me a car the day I met him, but he did take me out to dinner. I quickly noticed his confidence, charisma, and kind heart. That was all attractive, but it was Darren’s big fat wallet that swept me off my feet. I was focused on that prize.

I know…but that’s the type of woman I’d become. I was incapable of loving anyone. How could I? I didn’t even like myself.

We got married in 2002. It was amazing—he loved and accepted all my kids from the start and provided much-needed stability. He also showered us with life’s finer things.

I felt safe with Darren, and he soon became my everything. He had recently found freedom from addiction and convinced me  that sobriety was the key to a better life. I got sober for him.

For the next two years, we experienced a wonderful life together. But in our bliss, we forgot to guard ourselves against relapse. We quit going to recovery meetings and having accountability partners, and worst of all, we ignored God and the power and wisdom of His Word. And since we weren’t anchored to anything but each other, we were swept away when the trials of life came (Matthew 7:24–27).

On page 11, Darren shares the horrid details of how we both returned to the evil clutches of addiction. Our marriage didn’t survive the aftermath of drunkenness, infidelity, and crime. He went to prison for 10 years, and I drank my life away for another 7. Before Darren was released, I had remarried and divorced yet again.

Five marriages and five divorces—I had become like the Samaritan woman who met Jesus at the well. You’ll find her story in John 4. That woman, like me, thirsted for love. Her longings led her down difficult, shameful, and dead-end roads too, just like me. She was a hot, tired mess when she met Jesus.

I love how, at the well, Jesus didn’t condemn her for her past failures. He acknowledged that they’d happened, and then He offered what she had always needed—His living water. One drink from His well, and that woman never thirsted again.

I needed that water.

Interestingly, God used Darren to lead me there. It happened after he was released from prison in 2018.

I was a bit nervous when Darren first contacted me through social media. I had, after all, turned him in to the cops when he was on the run. What if he was holding a grudge? Not only that, but I’d been working hard the last three years to stay sober and keep my life together.

I’d faithfully attended recovery meetings, met with my sponsor, and had been dealing with the underlying issues that continually beckoned me down destructive paths. I didn’t want Darren to come along and sidetrack me, so I blocked him.

Being the nosy person I am, however, I also secretly kept tabs on him. I expected to see the charming car salesman with some floozy on his arm, but instead, I saw pictures of my former husband with a bunch of other guys in a Phoenix-based program called Along Side Ministries.

He looked so happy serving the community and hanging out with people from his church. He was smiling and laughing and filled with joy. What in the world?

I was sober, but I sure wasn’t that happy! Was there a new woman in his life? That was an annoying thought. Who cares? I scolded myself, but I couldn’t resist. I had to know what was going on. So I unblocked my social media and messaged him. I needed to understand why he was so happy.

“It’s Jesus,” he replied. “Want some?”

Yes, I did.

Over the next month, Darren shared with me how Jesus had transformed his life. Along Side had rules about relationships, and ours was growing, so Darren asked for guidance from the program’s pastor, Ken Sheets. Darren was determined to honor God and house rules.

We began meeting with Ken. It quickly became apparent that the many unresolved hurts I carried had led to wrong thinking and behavior. It didn’t take a genius to realize that I was the common denominator in every destructive relationship and circumstance.

I also had trust issues toward men, including Darren, due to his unfaithfulness during our marriage. Seeing my struggle, Pastor Ken slid his Bible across the table to me and said, “Your answer is in this book, Brenda.”

And then he told me about Jesus. He explained how I could have all my sins forgiven and receive eternal life. I wanted God’s gift of salvation, so I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Shortly afterward, Darren asked me to marry him again.

In the five years since, as we continue to drink the living water from His well, the Lord has beautifully restored and redeemed what we so carelessly destroyed. This time, we are determined to keep ourselves anchored to Jesus, not to each other, and to turn to Him in trouble, not the bottle or drugs. We have found that our faith in God “is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls” (Hebrews 6:19 NLT).

Together with God, we’ve endured storms that would have destroyed us in the past, like the loss of our son, Nathan, to a fentanyl overdose in September 2022. Only through the security of God’s love and the support of our friends and church family have we not returned to alcohol and drugs.

Perhaps you, too, live with an unquenchable thirst for love that keeps you moving from one unhealthy relationship to another. Jesus wants to satisfy that need with His living water.

No matter how far you’ve gone in your quest or how many failed relationships you’ve had, the Lord still welcomes you.

“Come, drink,” He says. Through Jesus, you’ll experience rivers of living water flowing through your heart, and you will never thirst again (Isaiah 55:1; John 4:13-14; John 7:38).

BRENDA COONEY is a wife, mom, and grandma who helps others discover their worth through the eyes of their heavenly Father. She mentors women in recovery, advocates for overdose prevention, and offers support to parents of addicted children and those who have lost a child to addiction.