Have you ever wondered why God allowed you to be born? Have you felt like there’s no hope for your future, that your life has no purpose, and there’s no use to keep trying?

I felt that way for a long time. I even considered dying as a better option to living. I almost perished because of my lack of knowledge of God’s love for me and His promises, which is what Satan wanted. He is a thief who seeks to steal our identity in Christ and kill our hopes and dreams (John 10:10).

I was vulnerable to Satan’s deceiving tactics for years. As a result, I missed out on much of the blessed life Jesus died to give me, including peace of mind and joy. But it didn’t have to be that way, and it doesn’t have to be that way for you, either.

According to God’s Word, God has a divine purpose for each one of us. Through His Son, Jesus, He has made a way for us to live victoriously despite challenging circumstances (Jeremiah 29:11; Philippians 4:13). But I didn’t know that as a child, so I fell into confusion.

My conflict regarding my worth and God’s plan began when I was eight and my grandmother called me into the den and told me she wasn’t my mother. It sounded ridiculous and felt unreal. But then she continued, “Your real mom is Mary, my daughter. I’m your grandma, but you can still call me Momma.”

What? How could this be? I wondered. And who is this Mary she’s talking about? Grandma then explained that my uncle had brought me to live with her and my grandfather when I was two because my mom was ill.

This news stirred up all sorts of emotions and questions. I became anxious as I considered what my mother looked like and questioned whether she was still ill. Was that why she hadn’t come back to get me? Most of all, I wondered if she’d ever return.

She did return, two years later. I vividly remember Grandma calling me inside the house and introducing me to a slim, beautiful woman and another girl standing by her side.

“Deborah, this is your mother and your older sister,” Grandma said matter-of-factly. I was shocked but also excited. Mother was beautiful, and I couldn’t wait for everyone to see her. Had she come to get me?

My hopes were dashed when, about an hour later, she and my sister walked right back out the door. Every day after, I wondered where she was and why she hadn’t taken me with her. My grandparents had raised me well. They’d given me the world, and I loved them. But I wanted my mother.

Her failure to reappear destroyed my self-worth. My ten-year-old mind concluded that something must be wrong with me. If my own mother didn’t want me, I must be defective in some way. Satan used this opportunity to crush my understanding of my worth.

I felt even more like a nobody when, in the sixth grade, kids started bullying me. I didn’t tell my grandparents. Instead, I had a pity party. Of course, the only people at that party were me and the devil, and you can believe he confirmed how pitiful and alone I was.

Those lying thoughts kept me in bondage for years, keeping me from understanding my true worth in God’s and my grandparents’ eyes. Then came my report card. I had failed and would have to repeat my sophomore year..

That was all the evidence I needed.

What’s the use! the voices inside my head screamed. You might as well go ahead and kill yourself. Your life isn’t worth anything anyway. Use the car. Crash it. End your misery. Nobody will miss you.

I left a note for my grandparents, but instead of using the car as the voices suggested, I took an overdose of my grandfather’s pills. I thank God Almighty that Grandma found me in time. His mercy spared my life.

A day later, we learned there had been an error on my report card. I had passed my grade after all—but it didn’t matter. I felt so defeated that I dropped out of school in my junior year. My math teacher, Mr. Thomas, begged me to stay, but I couldn’t hear his wisdom over the lies in my head.

More poor choices followed. I became pregnant at the age of 19 and moved in with the baby’s father. I was so scared. I had no idea how to take care of a baby. But Grandma, as always, stood by me and taught me how to care for my daughter.

Being a mom changed me. It’s amazing how I couldn’t recognize my own value, but somehow I could see it in my daughter. My relationship with her father went downhill, though, and after seven years, I moved back in with my grandma. I wasn’t done making mistakes—I still didn’t know the value I had in Christ, but every time I’ve messed up, God has been faithful to forgive me.

In 1992, the Lord blessed me with a husband. A year later, we had a daughter. Our marriage had many ups and downs, and I prayed often for God to help me.

I’d gone to church as a child and seen Grandma pray, so I knew it was the right thing to do. But I was only praying that God would grant my needs and desires. I gave no thought to His will or how He might feel about me. And how would I have known? I didn’t read the Bible or attend church.

That changed when a friend invited me to church. I took the girls with me, and they loved it! We began going regularly.

My baby girl couldn’t wait to wear her Sunday shoes each week. My older daughter loved the prayer line. She would cry during the worship music and message, often begging to pray at the altar. I often wondered why, but I’d go with her.

One day, when my youngest wanted prayer, I tried to sneak out instead. I didn’t want to take her to the altar because those ladies’ prayers always turned toward me.

Over time, God used my precious girls and those prayer warriors to open my eyes to my need for a Savior.

In 1996, I made a public profession of my belief in Jesus Christ, but it took me some time to mature. A turning point came one afternoon when I was praying at home. I fell asleep, and God gave me a dream where I could vividly see the words of Romans 12:1–2. When I woke, I read the passage:

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (NLT)

I was blown away as I realized God was pleading with me to present my entire self (mind, body, and spirit) to Him as a sacrifice. Being a follower of Christ wasn’t just about going to church, reading the Bible, and quoting scripture. It was about surrendering my entire self to God and having a relationship with Him.

These verses also revealed the importance of renewing my mind with God’s Word. I had to stop letting Satan influence my thoughts. I also needed to walk in obedience to His Word—to forgive others and trust God in all circumstances. Only then could I become all He intended and experience His abundant life.

In 2000, I began yielding my thoughts to the Lord and walking according to His Word. Five years later, He called me into ministry, and I became ordained.

Over the past 25 years, God’s Word and His Holy Spirit have led me on a journey of truth. Knowing His truth has given me freedom from defeating thoughts, poor choices, and negative results (John 8:32).

Presently, I have a beautiful relationship with my mother and the same with all my siblings. The Holy Spirit empowered me to obtain my GED in 2018. His truth has also helped me see people and circumstances through spiritual eyes, not my natural ones.

Knowing God’s truth saved my life in 2021, when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I was teaching at a Christian school when I received a call from the doctor’s office. I had gone for a checkup earlier that week because I’d not felt well, but I was not expecting the news they gave me.

I left the classroom numb and called my pastor friend. She immediately lifted me to Jesus and said, “Deborah, you will be all right! Look up to God and speak life over your situation.” She knew that death and life were in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) and reminded me to praise God even in this storm.

So I lifted my hands and voice and thanked God. I knew I could trust the good God I served, and I knew nothing was impossible for Him. I was determined to stand on the truth of His Word and trust Him—no matter what.

I prayed much during this time, primarily asking for the joy of the Lord’s presence (Psalm 16:11). I didn’t want the fear of death to torment me. Fear is the enemy’s work (2 Timothy 1:7), and I didn’t want to fall prey to his lies again.

Over the next month, I underwent four radiation treatments. The first time they placed that plastic mold over my face and secured my head to the radiation table, anxiety surfaced. But thank God for His Holy Spirit, who helped me stand on the Word and promises of God. I focused on being thankful to Him for His goodness and for my husband, daughters, my “son-in-love,” and the friends who were by my side, praying and declaring the Word. During the ordeal, the Lord kept me in perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3). And, praise God, He has healed me completely.

Do you need this kind of peace? How about joy? It begins when you give your whole self to God and renew your mind with His truth. Satan wants you to think you’re a nobody and that your situation is over. He wants you to give up and never experience God’s will for your life.

Don’t let him win! Start looking at life with the perspective of God’s truth. Whatever you’re facing doesn’t have to define or defeat you. Keep fighting in the Spirit and arming yourself with truth (Ephesians 6:10–18). The Lord will make a way.

What you see around you isn’t the end.

Deborah Jones has been a wife to her loving husband for over 31 years. She’s also a mother, “mother-in-love,” grandmother, foster mom, and ordained minister who serves as an elder in her church. Deborah serves in nursing homes and is the author of The Making, available on Amazon.