Trusting God Through Trials

First Peter 4:12–13 says, “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

I can’t say I was rejoicing in 2016 when a string of fiery ordeals came upon our family. But today, I am rejoicing, and I sincerely thank God for the trials and for His faithfulness to help our family through them. God has revealed Himself in ways I never would have known but for them.

It makes me think about the scripture where Job said to God, “My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you” (Job 42:5). Like Job, I had heard about God, but I hadn’t seen Him for myself. I was raised in a Christian home where the things of God were taught and the love of God was shown. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior as a child. But it wasn’t until the fiery trials came that I got to know God by experience. Only then did I learn to recognize His voice, see His provision, and feel His arms of love wrap around me. Only then did I experience His peace—a peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

Those fiery trials revealed how my desire for a comfortable life had overshadowed my desire for a godly one. They proved to me that I had become spiritually complacent. It took the heat of those trials to burn away the many impurities that had crept into my heart and mind—impurities that were preventing God’s glory from being revealed through my life.

These impurities didn’t pop up overnight; they crept in without notice. Materialism, for example. That started when my husband stepped into a new opportunity in the health care industry. The income potential seemed almost too good to be true—and it was. At the time, I thought God had opened up these amazing doors of financial blessing for our family. Well, maybe He had, but we took those blessings and went our own way.

With more disposable income, I began searching for fulfillment in material things. It didn’t take long for the offerings of the world, status, and relationships to become more important than my knowing the One who had given me life.

And then, on Mother’s Day 2016, we received a phone call that changed our world. All the things I had placed above the Lord were about to be shaken and taken.

One of my husband’s clients called to tell us that the FBI was investigating his company (and as a result, the company my husband worked for) for health care fraud. For the next two years, we were surrounded by uncertainty. We didn’t know what the investigation would mean for our family.

We were beginning to think we were in the clear, but then in 2018, the FBI began investigating my husband and questioning his employees. My husband’s attorney suggested he negotiate a plea. There was no intent on his side, but the risk of going to trial was too high. My husband took his attorney’s advice and struck a plea that resulted in his being incarcerated until 2021.

Before my husband’s incarceration, however, our family faced another fiery trial when our son became ill due to a cavernous malformation, a rare abnormality of blood vessels that led to bleeding on his brain. As a mother, I was scared to death. Then a few months after his diagnosis, things got even worse.

One fiery trial after another sought to destroy our family. We lost our home to a fire caused by a malfunction in the electrical box between the second and third stories. Someone broke into our daughter’s apartment carrying a knife. Then the government placed a lien on our assets. Even now, I wait to see how that situation will be resolved.

There were moments during these trials that I thought I was going to go crazy. As a wife and mother, I’ve always assumed the responsibility of making sure my family is safe, happy, and enjoying life. So when all of those fires blazed their paths through our lives, I desperately tried to extinguish them and lift our family’s burdens. But it seemed the more I tried, the more complicated our lives became.

For someone who likes to be in control, living with so much uncertainty was overwhelming, and fear entered my life with paralyzing force. Night after night, I lay awake, wondering what would become of my family. What if we lost everything? What if my children and I became homeless? How would I sustain my family? Could our marriage withstand prison? What if my husband was hurt? My imagination summoned every possible situation. Panic attacks began to strike their heavy blows upon my heart and mind.

Soon, any situation that felt out of my control put me out of commission. I panicked when my kids left my sight or if I had to travel. I canceled trips because I was too afraid to get on an airplane. Family and friends were concerned about my level of anxiety, but I deflected their concern, giving them excuses as to why I couldn’t do this or that. The reality was, I was just too afraid.

When life seemed too painful to bear, I finally realized my need for God. I’d grown up around the things of God, yes, but because my home life had been so beautiful, I’d never felt the need to trust Him with my daily living. I had all I needed—and I thank God for that—but the absence of trials had resulted in my living apart from Him. I’d pray from time to time, yes, but after I prayed, I’d go on about my day without giving God another thought.

But with my life so suddenly turned upside down, I finally cried out to Him in surrender, “Lord, forgive me for living my life apart from You all these years. Forgive me for desiring the things of the world more than I desired You. My life has become such a mess! I’m tired, confused, afraid, and frustrated. I don’t know what’s happening or why. I need You, God. I need You to take care of us. I need You to take control.”

God, in His grace, wrapped His loving arms around me and held me close. He became my refuge (Psalm 18), an ever-present help in my time of need (Psalm 46:1). I learned that, while I had taken my eyes off God, He had never taken His eyes off me or my family. He was so close, all that time, just waiting for us to call upon His name and invite Him into our lives.

With this revelation, I began devouring God’s Word, and it brought peace to my anxious mind. Philippians 4:6–8 became my lifeline. Instead of being worried about uncertain situations, I began to pray about them. I told God what I needed and put every concern in His hands. And when I did, His peace guarded my heart and mind and kept me from going down dark, anxious trails.

Now that’s not to say I don’t ever get anxious anymore. Even while this story was being written, I had a major anxiety attack. I had just told myself, “Wow, Denise. You’re doing really well! You are trusting God and growing in your faith.” And then, WHAM! Fear knocked me off my feet.

It happened when I heard a rumor that my husband and several other inmates had been transferred to another facility. We received no other information about their location. With the COVID-19 situation, I quickly became concerned. Those concerns, left unchecked, inevitably led to “what if” scenarios that opened a door for the enemy to attack me with fear (1 Peter 5:8).

In my bed that night, dark thoughts invaded my mind, convincing me that my husband was going to die. My imagination grew until I could hardly breathe. There was so much darkness in my room. I lay awake all night, and the next day I couldn’t even get out of bed.

But God, who is so full of grace, didn’t chastise me. He didn’t condemn me for being overwhelmed by those anxious thoughts. Instead, He helped me by putting my name on the heart of two sisters in Christ who reached out to me by phone at just the right time. God’s Holy Spirit gave these women the encouraging words and powerful prayers that helped me get back on my feet and stand firm in my faith. They helped me identify truths that will let me win my next battle against fear. And they helped me see that, while I might not have won that battle, I was winning the war. I’ve come so far and learned so much that will help others, maybe even you, have victory.

If you’ve ever dealt with anxiety, you know how helpless you can feel when fear strikes. I’d like to share some of the things that have helped me.

First, I’ve discovered that the cure for anxiety is Jesus. He is the name above everything, including fear (Philippians 2:9). When I feel anxiety setting in, I immediately speak His name. I say, “Jesus, I need You now. Jesus, cover my mind.” I keep saying His name until peace comes. It helps to fill my space with Christian music. As I worship God through prayer and song, the darkness flees.

I have learned to monitor my mind. If I don’t pay attention to what I’m thinking about, “what if” questions and imaginary conversations will take me captive. This requires a conscious effort because fearful thoughts are as natural to me as breathing. Training my mind to think differently hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to be patient in the process.

When I discover that my thoughts are not God’s thoughts toward me or my situation, I quickly replace them with His truth. As 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, I take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. I have to study the Bible in order to know God’s truth and recognize the enemy’s attacks on my mind. I take God’s truth and speak it back to those fearful thoughts, and they flee.

As I’ve sought God’s truth, it has become my lifeline. I remember being at the Red Roof Inn after our house burned, pleading with God for a word of encouragement. I opened up my daily devotional, and there it was, Proverbs 3:25–26: “Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared.” It was the perfect word at just the right time. God reminded me that all the sudden

disasters in this world were no match for Him. Claiming this promise let me lie down and sleep, even while my house was still smoldering and my husband’s case was heating up.

Life will always have uncertainties. Not even a genius can figure out what tomorrow holds; only God knows the future. So I’ve decided it’s best to go ahead and just give tomorrow to God. As I choose to trust Him with the uncertainty of my future and believe He will work all the details out for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28), I find peace. I make it a practice to visually take my concerns in my hands and then hand them over to Him. Then I go to my knees, because that’s where I win the war. There, I find peace in knowing that, as I’m praying, God is fighting my battles (Exodus 14:14). He is giving me the victory.

Here is a common prayer for me: “Lord, today I choose to give You my husband, his case, and our marriage. I choose to give You our children and the future of our family. I choose to give You our possessions. Take it all, Lord, it’s Yours anyway. Teach me what You want me to learn and bring my family to where You want us to be.”

There is so much power in prayer. Listen to how acknowledging my need for God and trusting Him impacts my life. Proverbs 3:5–8 says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” When I trust God, I find direction, health (physical and mental), and strength for the journey.

Now, instead of waiting for a crisis, I acknowledge my need for God before my day even begins. When I rise, I say: “Good morning, God. How are You? What is on Your agenda for me today?” My heart’s desire is for God to order my steps so that His perfect will unfolds.

There’s no room for anxiety when I’m walking with God. It stays in check when I keep my eyes on Him and take each day as it comes. If I look too far into the future, I become overwhelmed. I can’t change tomorrow, so there’s no use wasting my energy worrying about it (Matthew 6:27).

I have to admit, I often want God to hurry up and show me what is going to happen. There’s still so much uncertainty about our assets and our financial responsibilities. It’s my nature to want to know what lies ahead. But I’m learning to trust God’s timing. Sometimes, I just have to tell myself, “There ain’t no need to keep looking in the oven. The cake’ll be done when the cake is done.”

I know it’s true. God is cooking up something beautiful for my family and me. When it’s ready—when He’s done working in our situation—He’s going to take that cake out of the oven, and it will be perfect. I just have to be patient. If I’m not, if I rush things, I’ll have a half-baked cake, and who wants that?

So I wait, and in the meantime, I thank Him for how good His cake will be when it’s finished. I thank Him for all the many blessings He’s already given me—for the fact I’m still standing! And I look for the many sweet gifts that He provides each day. They are all around me if I just remember to look up instead of focusing on my trials.

This is how I face each day. Learning to trust has helped me to not only survive but to thrive during my fiery trials. I believe that, as you put these things into practice, you can thrive too. You can defeat anxiety and remain in perfect peace, even when your world is blazing out of control. You might even be excited, as I am, about what God is cooking up for you.

Don’t let the uncertainties of tomorrow cause you to take your eyes off God. He’s got your tomorrows. He’s got you. He’s got your family and your situation. And He will not fail you. I’m living proof!

I’m telling you—right now, God’s at work in ways you can’t see. He’s cooking up something beautiful just for you in the heat of those fiery trials. Trust Him with the process.

The Gift of Heaven

I remember the day my dad came home from work and called a family meeting. We listened as he told us how unhappy he had been and how he’d been searching for something that was missing in his life. But that day, he had accepted Jesus into his heart, and that had filled the empty place inside.

Dad said he’d picked up a Bible on his lunch break and read passages in Romans that convicted him of his sin and showed him how to have right standing with God through faith. Before he went back to work, Dad had prayed to accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.

As we sat at our kitchen table, Dad went over those verses in Romans with us. I accepted them, too. The rest of my family accepted Jesus later.

Dad and I went to a local church in Hamilton Square, New Jersey. He told the pastor that we wanted to get baptized. The pastor asked why Dad wanted to be baptized when he had never come to church. I vividly recall my dad’s answer.

He said, “I am now saved and a Christian. I’m on my way to heaven. I want to follow the Lord in believer’s baptism.”

The pastor said, “Bill, you’ve got to wait until you stand before God in judgment to see if you’ve met His standards before you can know for sure that you’re going to heaven.”

Wow! Even as a nine-year-old, I was shocked and knew this was erroneous teaching. On the way home, I asked Dad if he maybe thought the pastor might not be saved. He said, “Let’s let him baptize us, and then we’ll look for a church that preaches the Bible.” So we did.

Dad passed away at age 41, while I was a senior in high school. Until he died, he shared Jesus with many people. He was my hero. Praise God—I’ll see him again at that great reunion in heaven.

When I left New Jersey in 1965 to enter US Navy flight training in Pensacola, my pastor called me to the front of the church. He challenged me not to let the Navy life cause me to walk away from God or lose my testimony.

He shared Philippians 1:6 with me: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” He said that the day I accepted Christ as my Savior was the day God began a good work in me and that, even if I sometimes fail Him, He will never fail me. God will perform a good work in my life until Christ returns. This verse has been an encouragement to me ever since.

Do you sense something missing in your life? Maybe you’ve searched to find it but keep coming up short. The answer is found in Jesus. He is the only thing that will ever fill that void inside. He is the only thing that will ever bring purpose and meaning to your life. Will you receive by faith that Jesus died on the cross for your sin? John 3:16 says: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Many people think they’re so bad that, if they come to Jesus, He won’t accept them. Or, like that pastor, they think they’ll have to wait to find out if God will let them into heaven, based on what they’ve done or who they’ve been. That’s not true.

The Bible is clear—we are saved from eternal separation from God because of one thing: our faith in His Son, Jesus. We don’t get access through those pearly gates on the merits of our works or reputation. Salvation is a gift of God (Ephesians 2:8–9). All we have to do is accept it.

Will you accept His gift today?

Release Your Bitter Past

What I’m about to share happened a decade ago when I was a teenager. It’s not a pretty story, but it’s my story. But today, because of the redemptive love of God, I can look back over all the ugly events of my life and be thankful.

I grew up in a middle-class home with my mother, stepfather, and two sisters. By no means was I a perfect kid, but I do think, overall, I was a pretty good one. I stayed out of trouble and refrained from drinking or doing hard drugs, and had a pretty good relationship with my parents and siblings. If there were any problems in our home, I was oblivious to them.

Around the age of 13, however, I noticed bills were going unpaid, arguments were heating up, and my mom and stepfather were gone from the home for days. Most of my relatives had quit coming around, and family gatherings like birthday parties were a thing of the past. I learned at school that these were signs of drug abuse. I felt helpless as I watched my family deteriorate right before my eyes.

One day, my stepfather had had enough, and he packed his things and left my mom (a severe crack addict by this time) and my younger sister and me. My older sister had already moved out. Two days later, I came home to find my mom cozy on the couch with a new man. Even as a teenager, I knew this wasn’t right. My stepdad had just left our home. Who was this dude, anyway?

Mom introduced me to her new boyfriend, and three weeks later, he moved in. We were in for a rocky road. To my 16-year-old, 120-pound self, Steve was a giant of a man, and he terrified me. He was 6 feet tall and weighed 240 pounds. He loved hard liquor and displayed explosive anger. My fears would soon prove warranted.

Our home life quickly turned violent. Unfortunately, years of drug abuse and distrust between family members meant no one was there for my sister and me when we needed them most. I harbor no bitterness toward my extended family or the authorities, but at the time, I couldn’t understand why no one would come to our rescue. People knew about the vio­lence and drugs in our home. They’d heard our cries for help. The police and the department of children and family services (DCF) had been notified, but no one did anything to help.

I’ve often tried to figure out why. Maybe they just didn’t want to get involved. Humans naturally run from hard situations, and ours was a mess. Maybe they were afraid or didn’t want to be inconvenienced. They might even have thought the conflict would resolve itself. I don’t know the answers, and it’s not my place to judge. But I do feel there could have been a different outcome in my life had someone taken action. Regardless, God caused it all to work together for good (Romans 8:28).

People did show up, though, the day Steve was lying on the ground bleeding from stab wounds.

Steve had come home severely drunk and volatile. His fists were swinging. Instinctively, I grabbed a knife. I knew if Steve got past me, he was going to hurt my mom or sister. He got hold of me and squeezed so hard I thought I was going to pass out. Out of fear, I started stabbing him.

I wasn’t counting, but it turns out I stabbed Steve 21 times before he let me go and fell to the ground. When he did, blood was everywhere. My mom was hysterical as she called 911. Steve died an hour and a half later.

Within 15 minutes, authorities lined the street of my home. DCF immediately stepped in and took my sister and me into the system. They placed her in our uncle’s care and took me to jail. There I was charged with second-degree manslaughter.

I was held in a juvenile pod for 15 months at the county jail while I awaited trial. I finished my junior and senior years of high school there. I also learned some things that academics couldn’t teach me, like that there are some good people in this world. I learned this from the old Christian man who visited me at the jail each week. This total stranger would leave his family to share God’s Word and his life experiences with me. He was the nicest man I’d ever met.

After I went to prison, God continued to place people like this man in my life to reveal His kindness and love to me, to hold me accountable, and to show me how to be free of my past. He provided faith and character programs, as well as a mentorship through the New Destiny program at Marion Correctional Institution, a program operated by Xtreme SOULutions.

God also sent other prisoners—people who had once done horrific things—to show me His better way. At first, when I saw them reading their Bibles and going to chapel, I thought, “You’re all idiots! If God is so good, then why are you here?”

What I was really asking was, “If God is so good, then why am I here? Why have I encountered such hard situations? And why didn’t anyone—people, authorities, or God—intervene?”

I was so angry with God. Funny how I could be mad at someone I didn’t even know. I hadn’t ever spoken to Him, read His Word, gone to church, or prayed. I didn’t know a thing about God, yet I assumed it was His fault that my life had turned out the way it had.

God used those ministers and prisoners to help me understand that He wasn’t the source of my pain; He was the answer to it. And He showed me that those Christian inmates reading their Bibles weren’t idiots; they were wise men who had found something real, and their lives reflected it.

Unlike other men who were filled with hate and continually fighting against the world, these inmates smiled and handled complicated prison situations with kindness. I was drawn to their godly character and the joy, love, and peace they displayed. I decided to be a follower of Jesus Christ myself.

Now just because I placed my faith in Jesus doesn’t mean everything magically became easy. Nor does it mean I suddenly made all the right decisions and had good thoughts. I had a lot of spiritual maturing to do, and that would take a series of deliberate, daily choices.

I had to study God’s Word, obey it even when I didn’t want to, and trust the Lord with my ugly past and uncertain future. I had to choose to let people go and to release them from the debt I thought they owed me. I had to decide not to hate people and to forgive them for their actions and inaction.

I also had to choose to forgive myself. I had taken a man’s life.

All of this took a lot of help from God. And it took time. But eventually, my hard, angry heart began to soften and heal. I became less frustrated, less stressed, and more thankful—even for the hard things in my life, like being in prison. With God’s help, I could see how prison had saved my life, and the life of my family. The drastic events of our lives provided the wake-up call we’d all needed. Today my sister is doing great, I have the coolest nephew, and my mother has been clean for years. God has restored our relationships.

Maybe you can relate to being angry with God and people for the circumstances of your life. Maybe you’ve struggled with being able to forgive. I know it isn’t easy, but with God’s help, it can be done. Your choice to release your past and every offender into God’s hands will free you to live. Don’t torture yourself by living in hate and bitterness any longer, step into the better life God has for you. You owe it to yourself to be free!

One Step At a Time

God leads us one step at a time. The psalmist said, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way” (Psalm 37:23 NKJV).

It is no accident that the psalmist used the word steps when he revealed the existence of God’s plan for our lives. While God has each of our journeys mapped out ahead of time, He establishes them in a successive series of small steps, and that is the way He makes them known to us.

This foundational principle of guidance is graphically illustrated in Psalm 119:105 NKJV: “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

When an ancient traveler journeyed at night, he carried an oil lamp. As he walked along, swinging the lamp out in front, he would see the rocks and ruts directly ahead of him in the road, and he could avoid them. Sometimes travelers actually strapped small clay lamps to their ankles to illuminate the path ahead, one step at a time, as they walked.

This is how God uses His Word to guide you.

He does not promise a brilliant blaze of light to illuminate the road for miles ahead. He promises a lamp to your feet—just enough light for your next step.

Some steps are giant strides. One decision can commit you to a certain course for years to come, possibly for a lifetime. Others are tiny, just a quick shuffle forward. But however big or small a step may be, it is still one single step. Many other single steps will follow as you walk with Jesus day by day.

Wherever you are at this moment in your Christian walk, God is ready to show you the next step in His plan for your life.

Fight the Good Fight of Faith

My time in the military left me with deep emotional scars. I suffered from post–traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Addictions emerged as I fought to survive the hopelessness of each day.

My mental issues, plus the fact that I was far from Christ, destroyed my young marriage and prevented me from being a good father. Feelings of worthlessness set in as I watched another man father my child. I wasn’t even good enough to be a dad, I thought. I had no sense of hope or value.

In 2016, a friend from the military ​graciously allowed me to stay with his family while I got myself together. I tried to work and go back to college, but depression made it difficult. One night, I found myself on my knees, weeping uncontrollably. I was ready to end my life. I cried out to God and asked Him why my life was the way it was. Why did I struggle with PTSD and depression?

In that moment, it was like time stopped. I felt God’s presence so strongly. His peace overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t move or speak. Then I heard a voice say, “Brandon, you are where you are because you’ve tried to do everything in your own strength. I love you. I have a plan and a future for you. I want to prosper you, but you have to follow Me and allow Me to lift your burdens from your shoulders. Surrender and let Me come into your life.”

My tears of sadness turned to tears of joy. I wasn’t religious, but I knew I had had an encounter with God. Suddenly, I understood my life had a purpose, and with God, I could overcome anything.

The next day, depression tried to return. Before it could take root, however, I shouted, “No!” I remembered the encounter from the night before. I had heard from God. He had promised me a better life in Him, and I wanted it. But Satan was fighting for my mind.

I didn’t understand spiritual warfare yet, but I knew the battle was on. It was like a force was keeping me from reading the Bible. Desperate to win, I prayed, “God, help! I am struggling to read Your Word. Help me to be motivated and disciplined to study the Bible, no matter how I feel.”

Days later, a friend called to tell me he was having marital problems. Scriptures came to mind about love and marriage, and I shared them with him. He called every night for a week, and together we dove into God’s Word. The Lord used my friend’s situation to motivate me to study.

The more I read the Bible, the hungrier I became for God’s truth. Then, as I stood on the Word, God began to change me. He removed my addictions and helped me focus on Him. He transformed my mind and gave me thoughts of peace instead of despair. Knowing how much He had impacted my life made me to want to share Him with others. God used a visit from my mother to fulfill that desire.

She introduced me to her friend Paul, who was a traveling missionary. I had never spoken with someone so passionate about God; talking with Paul fueled my new faith. He asked me to join him on the road. I was all in. My time there revealed the power of God, not only to save people’s souls but to heal them mentally, physically, and emotionally as well.

Soon after, the Lord led me to my wife,

Britney, who shares my passion for telling others about the goodness of God. Today, we travel the nation with our son, leading others to Christ—the One who can heal completely. It’s not been a comfortable journey, but the good fight of faith (2 Timothy 4:7) is one worth fighting. It’s an incredible thing, to know you’re part of something bigger than yourself.

Restless to Redeemed

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus invites all who are weary and burdened to come to Him for rest. The rest that Jesus promises here is love, joy, healing, and peace with God.

I spent many years searching for rest, but I did it in all the wrong places. I didn’t know that what I really needed was a Savior. Someone who would not only give me rest but who would restore what had been destroyed. Someone who could redeem my meaningless life and set me free. I needed a new life plan, filled with hope and guidance, like the one Jesus offers in Jeremiah 29:11. His plan for my life is good and full of hope. My plans were always hopeless and full of pain.

I spent many years in bondage to drugs. Years of unrest tortured my soul as I sought to find relief from the void in my heart created by my troubled youth. I was so utterly blinded by sin that I couldn’t see my need for a Savior. Nor did I care to have one. So I continued to stay around the wrong people and places and sought only to satisfy my flesh. I was out of control and found myself in and out of the corrections system because of my rebellion.

In 2015, while in jail awaiting transport to yet another prison, I decided to turn my life over to God. I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was desperate for rest. So I let go and, as they say, let God. I had tried everything else, and somehow I finally knew that He was my only hope for a new life. I accepted Jesus as my Savior and then started to make life choices that would bring me closer to Him. And that’s when my weary soul found rest.

I surrounded myself with like-minded people—ladies who like me desired freedom, peace, forgiveness, and restoration. I joined faith-based programs in prison that helped me grow closer to my Savior. My Deliverer. My Redeemer. I read His Word and applied it to my life.

Romans 12:1 says we are to present our bodies to God for all He has done for us. We’re to be a living and holy sacrifice to Him. It’s the best way we can worship Him. And so that’s what I’ve done. Giving my life to God is a daily responsibility. Every day I must decide to lay aside my desires and follow Him. I must be willing to be used by Him, however He sees fit.

Since I know God only wants what’s best for me, I can trust Him with my life. He proved  that He loved me when He gave His Son’s life for mine (John 3:16). If He gave up what was most precious to Him (Romans 8:32), will He not give me anything else I need? Because of His love and sacrifice, I joyfully volunteer my life to Him, for His service.

Following Christ is the best decision I’ve ever made. He has restored my life and made me a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). I’m no longer restless and searching for peace. I’m restful. God has redeemed my life and restored what my past had destroyed.

Today, I am home with my family, all of whom love and serve the Lord. I am privileged to serve Him as I fill the role of caretaker for my beautiful 85-year-old mother. My loved ones have wrapped their arms around me and, together, we celebrate my new life in Christ. I praise God for His rest and redeeming love.

Everything Will Be Okay

Thinking about our ministry and all the volunteers who answer inmate letters as a part of their devotion to Jesus Christ warms my heart. Most of our correspondence team consists of senior adults who share the good news that God loves them and has not forgotten them. They encourage incarcerated men and women out of their own experiences and share how trusting the Lord Jesus with all their hearts during their own hard circumstances helped them overcome.

This has been a challenging season as our nation has dealt with the COVID-19 pandemic. Who would ever have believed our country would shut down because of a dangerous virus? I am grateful that our ministry is still able to go behind prison walls through this magazine and the devotions and correspondence we share with the inmates who write to us.

We all experience difficulties, no matter where we reside and regardless of our faith. I don’t know all the stories of our volunteer writers, but I do know that many have faced incredible tragedies and heartaches, things that have certainly challenged their faith.

One team member lost their adult married son who was struck by a drunk driver. One faced the passing of their four-year-old child from a brain tumor. One lost their spouse of 43 years to brain cancer.

Another lost her precious little boy and then attempted suicide in her grief. Thankfully, she was unsuccessful. God helped her through her pain, and she is now reaching many souls for the kingdom of God.

One faithful member has and continues to battle cancer. One has overcome abuse by her husband and sexual abuse as a child. One spends every day, praying for her sons and daughters who are serving our country in extremely hostile territories.

All these precious people have had to decide to trust God. These men and women have chosen to believe that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He can do. And they have seen the truth of Psalm 146:6, which says, “He keeps every promise forever” (NLT).

Like our team members, I’ve also faced trials. It is only through trusting that God, the Creator of heaven and earth, is trustworthy that I am able to continue moving forward. Learning to trust Him is a process and a choice. Instead of focusing on my circumstances, I must meditate on God’s Word, His promises, and His truth. I allow them to invade my mind, to drive out fear and anxiety over the uncertainties of the situations I face. The river of His peace floods my soul, and I know that I know, in His time, everything will be okay.

My dear mother used to say those words to me when I was facing difficult situations. She’d tell me, as only a mother could, “Linda, everything is going to be okay.” And because of the Lord, it always was. Just like my mother did for me, I want to remind you that everything is going to be okay for you, too!

Regardless of the challenge—whether you’ve lost a loved one, have been emotionally or physically wounded, have found yourself financially broke, or are locked up and alone—it’s going to be okay! Don’t give up! Look up. Keep your eyes on Christ. Let Him infuse you with His strength.

Why? Because God can be trusted.

God Answers Prayer

Another day begins in my mundane world of concrete and steel. A pigeon flies by my window. I look down to watch it land on the ground below. I watch as it searches for something to eat.

I can see the whole street from my vantage point, and I watch with curiosity. Back in 1989 when I owned a paint and body shop, I could have told you the make and model of every vehicle. But that was before I came to prison with a long sentence. Now I don’t know what any of them are.

I stare out the window of my cell for hours, watching the people as they go about their business. I do long to be part of that world again; my heart is so heavy and troubled. I miss so many things…life is passing me by.

I’m waiting for the arrival of a young woman. She and her two boys come to the corner bus stop every day. She reminds me of my daughter, though maybe a little taller. The boys who walk beside her look about the same age as my grandsons.

I’ve never met my grandsons, but I know their names and I have faded pictures of them. Every night I ask God to make a way for me to be part of their lives. I haven’t given up hope.

Finally, the young woman and her two boys appear. She turns the corner, holding their hands as they walk to the bus bench. I see a youngster on rollerblades, speeding down the sidewalk. He’s heading straight for them. The woman’s watching the traffic; she doesn’t see the skater. I start banging on the window to warn her, but she can’t hear me—I’m on the seventh floor. I feel so helpless.

“God, help them,” my heart screams. The mother flinches just in time. She tightens her grip on the boys’ hands and jerks them out of the path of the skater. The collision is avoided. “Thank you, Lord,” I whisper.

They look tired. “She needs a car,” I say to the Lord. The smallest child walks to the curb and peers down the street. The mother motions for him to sit beside her. He obeys. She ruffles his curly black hair and gives him a big hug. Embarrassed, he pulls away. I picture her pretty smile and her sweet laugh. My heart aches with fond memories of my daughter, always smiling. An unexpected tear rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away and watch as the bus arrives and takes away the lady and her sons.

Alone in my cell that night, I read Jesus’s words, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me” (John 14:1). They remind me that, whether in prison, a hospital, a wheelchair, or anywhere discomfort lives, believing in Jesus brings peace.

I remember that Jesus knows my troubles. He sees my tired frame; He holds my tears. He knows my needs and those of that lady. Our needs are no match for His love and grace.

His presence, His promises, and His Word are life to me.

The next day, I watch again from my window. The bus arrives, but the lady and her children are nowhere to be found. “Where are they, Lord?” I wonder. Then I see them. She pulls up in a beautiful red car, to the spot the bus just vacated. The boys sit next to her, seatbelts wrapped tightly around them. They click their fingers and bob their little heads to the music in their world. It’s a beautiful sight.

I smile. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know the make or model of her car; I know all I need to know—God is good. He cares for us all. He hears our prayers and meets our needs. I praise Him from my window as the woman drives away.

Capture the Life You Long For

Birthdays weren’t regularly celebrated during my childhood. So you can imagine my excitement, when I walked into my pop’s apartment to be presented with Mickey D’s and a Carvel ice-cream cake. It was a full-size meal too, not my usual Happy Meal. Life couldn’t get any better at that moment. I remember my seventh birthday, sitting at the head of the table with my Quarter Pounder with Cheese like it was yesterday.

But my excitement quickly turned to confusion when Pops took the next moment to have a man-to-man conversation with my brother and me. He was moving to Puerto Rico. And I was crushed. Looking back, I see the significance of that Quarter Pounder—Pops was leaving us to be the men of the house.

My parents were married for 13 years, and many of the memories I have of them together involve arguing. But I know they loved and provided for us the best way they knew how, and I will always honor them for that.

My pops hustled on the streets of the Bronx. His lifestyle brought exposure to money, drugs, guns, and girls. But when he moved to Puerto Rico, he lost that fast, flashy lifestyle and ended up in poverty. My brother and I received quite a reality check when we visited him in those conditions.

My mother worked hard and did her best to protect us boys from negative influences. She worked a 9-to-5 job for the city, kept us busy in sports, and sent us to a private Catholic school. She made many sacrifices for our family.

At the age of 14, I got a job in a restaurant at the New York Botanical Gardens, selling hot dogs out of a hot-dog cart. I couldn’t believe how many people would pay $2 for a hot dog! I wanted in on that racket and decided to sell my own dogs out of that cart. It just so happened, I had a bit of the hustle in me, too.

I concocted a plan and had my homies throw packages of cheap hot dogs I had purchased over the Gardens’ fence. I then cooked those “dirty dogs” and sold them, keeping all the profits for myself. It didn’t take long, though, for the owner of the cart to notice that I was returning with the same inventory I’d left with each day.

Incredibly, he didn’t fire me or even accuse me of stealing; instead, he transferred me to the kitchen as a dishwasher.

That life-changing act of generosity gave me my first exposure to a commercial kitchen. There, I watched in amazement as the head chef orchestrated the food and beverage departments. I knew that one day I wanted to be a chef too.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but today, I can see how God used various people to help me come into His plan for my life. For example, God used Chef Tom to encourage me to go to culinary school, where I could develop my culinary gifts.

This career choice was difficult for my family to understand, as they had not been exposed to fine foods. Nonetheless, I went to culinary school, and many opportunities opened for me. Not long after, I began working at the NY Stock Exchange, where I was exposed to culinary influences from all over the world. I had certainly moved up from cooking those dirty dogs.

This all sounds great on the surface—an at-risk youth discovering his passion for the culinary arts and having positive life experiences. But what I haven’t told you about yet is the double life I was living.

The culinary world offered quite a party life behind the scenes, and I was drawn to it. Fame, money, glitz, glamor—everything I had seen my pops acquire when I was a kid was at my fingertips, and I reached for it greedily. The chef lifestyle required hard work and allowed me to party even harder. It was an empty life, to be sure.

My live-in girlfriend saw firsthand all the negativity I was surrounding myself with, and she left me. My heart was shattered, and I decided to leave New York. I quit my job, bought a map and a truck, and headed to the farthest city that looked interesting—San Diego! Again, God was directing my path, and I didn’t even know it.

My New York resume helped me land a head chef position at the Del Mar Racetrack. At just 19, I was in charge of 25 cooks. We prepared meals for thousands of people a day. My family meal, meaning the food we prepared for the employees alone, was for 400 people. After that job, I had the opportunity to represent the United States in the World Fair at Expo ’98 in Lisbon, Portugal. There, I had the position of Executive Sous Chef and fed up to 3,000 people a night.

You would think with all that success that I would be enjoying life. But I wasn’t. My life was empty. Even in those huge kitchens with all those people, I felt completely alone. I longed for family, for companionship, for someone to call me on the phone and simply ask, “How was your day?” But the phone never rang.

And then my brother called from New York. He’d been diagnosed with stomach cancer and needed me. I quit my job and moved back to the East Coast. I spent 13 months with him in hospice, helping him fight that terminal disease.

I was there in September 2001. I lost my best friend, Manny, a New York City firefighter, to the terrorist attacks of 9/11. And then I lost my brother.

I became so depressed that I didn’t care about the road of self-destruction I was on. Work, drugs, alcohol—they were all I knew.

It took hitting rock bottom for me to have my first real conversation with God.

I had grown up in the Catholic church, but all those years of hearing about God hadn’t helped me have a relationship with Him. I had gone through the motions of mass, communion, and prayer, but they meant nothing real to me. Now, with the loss of my friend, my brother, and the exhaustion of chef life, I needed more.

In desperation, I called out to God. It wasn’t a memorized prayer this time; it was a heartbreaking cry of, “Why, God? Why is my life the way it is? Why did my brother and my friend have to die? Why am I so lonely? Why am I stuck in this deadly cycle?” I asked God to help me, to bring my life into balance, and to get me out of the destructive work-and-party cycle I was in.

I didn’t hear an audible response, but He began answering my prayers.

Not long after that day, a woman came into my restaurant in Queens. I took one look at her, and knew she would some day be my wife. She was so beautiful—but she was also the pickiest customer I’d ever had! Instead of growing irritated with her finicky appetite, however, I found myself intrigued and excited to create new dishes for her.

One day her friend told her, “Christina, this guy likes you, and he is trying to impress you with all these special dishes. If you don’t go out with him, I will!”

Christina had recently lost her father and had been cautiously and prayerfully moving forward with new relationships. She took her friend’s advice and agreed to go out with me.

On our first date, God used Christina to challenge my faith. I took her to a fancy restaurant, but she wasn’t impressed. The first thing she asked was, “Do you believe in Jesus?”

I was like, “Uhh…kind of. I’m not sure.”

“It’s a yes or no question. Do you believe in Him, or not?”

I told her yes, and she said, “Okay, then come to church with me.”

It was shockingly different from the church experience I was accustomed to from my youth, but I liked Christina, so I kept going. I also liked what the pastor said about having a relationship with Jesus. He explained scripture and the Christian faith in ways I had never heard but could finally understand. I soaked in the Word of God and let it transform my mind. As I did, it filled my heart with peace. I was baptized in the Lord, and in Christ, I have found love, balance, and deliverance.

Four months into our relationship, I asked Christina to marry me. We went through marriage counseling with the pastor, where I learned about my responsibility as a husband to be the spiritual covering for my wife and future children. Since then, I have taken my role as the protector of the household seriously and have tried my best to follow the Lord’s leading.

A few years ago, the Lord led Christina and me and our three children to Central Florida. It wasn’t an easy transition, and we’ve often been discouraged. Despite the many attacks Satan has waged on us, however, God has been ever faithful.

He gave me the business plan for a new restaurant called Vida 365. He’s shown me how to use my culinary gifts for His glory. Today, our family works hard in our Central Florida restaurant to help people find physical healing through food. We take every opportunity to lead people to the One who can make them whole—Jesus. God has brought a fullness to my life that success and fame could never offer.

Maybe you’re stuck in a destructive, hopeless cycle. The enemy has robbed you of your joy and peace. People are all around you, but you feel alone.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Freedom and family are waiting for you in Jesus. Come to Him, questions and all. Move past religious routine and open your heart to Him. You’ll find the life you’ve always longed to have.

Thrive During Your Downtime

We’ve all found ourselves down at various seasons of our lives, and for varied reasons. But downtime never has to be wasted time. It can be a life-changing and fruitful experience, if we let it. Don’t just survive your downtime—thrive. Here’s how:

• Reflect. Think about your life. Is it how you envisioned it? Are you holding on to regrets or bitterness? Let it come to the surface and, with God’s help, deal with it. Discover His plan for your life. These revelations are for your good.
• Draw close to God. View downtime as a gift of time from God to know Him in ways you wouldn’t have otherwise. Use your time to read His Word, listen to His Spirit, and fellowship with other believers. Learn to trust Him.
• Prepare. Anticipate the obstacles you may face and develop a plan to deal with them. Having a plan keeps you from falling right back into old patterns or being overwhelmed with hopelessness when you meet new challenges.
• Identify new passions. Push yourself to experiment with new ideas that challenge your comfort zone. Learn a new language; pick up a paintbrush. In my downtime, I discovered I had a passion for art. I painted over 400 pieces in prison.
• Be thankful. Find joy in the little things. A grateful heart can’t be kept down. I keep a gratitude list, a practice I learned during my incarceration that I continue to this day.
• Help others. Take your eyes off your trials and invest in the lives of others. That’s where you will find joy, peace, and purpose.
• Enjoy Today. Look for the beauty and blessings of the day. In your longing for tomorrow, don’t miss the good things in front of you now.

COVID-19 has put the entire world into a season of downtime. Instead of being afraid, use this time to discover what’s really important. Draw close to God and the ones you love. Don’t let the real things of life pass you by.