God Will Draw You Out of the Deep

We’d hiked to our favorite spot on the beach. It was an isolated stretch on the island that tapered to an inlet a few hundred yards away. We often came to this remote spot late in the day, where the water rounded under the bridge and swept into the ocean.

I leaned on my elbows and watched my husband Dan wade the shallows with his cast net, part of it anchored in his mouth and the rest draped heavily over his arm. He walked slowly, watching for signs of mullet, then he would throw out the net in a wide circle and drag it back in.

I relaxed on the soft sand, keeping a close eye on our toddler who was playing in the knee-high water nearby. I was grateful for a lazy wrap-up to our beach day. And then, just like that, my son took one step too far and transitioned from the shallows to the deep.

I saw the fear in his eyes as the water reached his nose. He struggled to find his footing. I jumped up and splashed through the water, grabbing him by the arm just as he went under completely. I swung him up out of the water, carried him back to the beach, and wrapped his sun-warmed towel around him. I held him close.

It’s incredible how life can be so sunny, relaxing, and fun, and then in a moment, everything changes. Have you been there? In a place where you suddenly found yourself up to your eyeballs in the deep waters of life? Perhaps even now, it feels like the water is closing over your head, and you aren’t sure if you’ll ever get to shore again.

Take a breath and know that, just as I was watching my son, God is watching you. He hasn’t taken His eyes off you. Even when it feels like the deep waters are lapping around you, God sees you.

Psalm 18:16 says, “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.”

David sang Psalm 18 to the Lord. He had been anointed the future king of Israel, but for years he’d been running for his life, trying to stay one step ahead of Saul, the current king who was out to kill him. But when David cried out to God, God reached down, took hold of him, and delivered him from the hand of all his enemies, including Saul.

Psalm 18:16 says that God “drew” him out of deep waters. That word is used only one other time in the Bible, in Exodus 2:10, where it refers to Pharaoh’s daughter, who “drew” Moses out of the water. His parents had placed him in a basket and set him in the Nile River to keep the Egyptians from killing him.

When on the run from Saul, David must have felt like he was in dangerously deep waters. Surely, Moses’ parents must have worried for their baby in the basket, who was in the deep, too. But both times, God was in complete control—of the water and of the one in the water. And both times, He rescued them.

I am currently praying for several dear friends who are treading deep waters. I’ve also cried out in faith over my own family on many occasions. Maybe you’re praying this kind of desperate prayer right now.

As you do, remember: the depth of the water is not a measure of God’s love. No matter how deep it gets, no matter how rough it seems, no matter how hard the struggle, our circumstances are never the measure of God’s love for us.

God’s love is measured in this: while we were dead in our sin, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). He gave His life for ours.

Why would He do that? Well, God rescues us because He delights in us (Psalm 18:19).

God delights in us so much that He reached down from on high and took hold of us while we were drowning in sin. He drew us out of the deep waters of darkness that would have covered us for all eternity. And then, He set our feet on Jesus, the Solid Rock, and wrapped us in that Son-warmed righteousness.

The measure of God’s love is the mercy of God’s rescue.

Rest for the Wounded

Is your spirit wounded and suffering? Your heart and soul pierced by the words or actions of others? If we aren’t mindful, painful thoughts will settle down in the recliners of our minds and cause chaos and confusion.

One conversation, one phone call, one comment can wound our souls, our minds, our wills, and our emotions. The good news is, Jesus stands ready to help us. In order to safeguard our hearts and minds and to keep them healthy and at peace, however, we must first accept Jesus’s invitation to come to Him and find rest for our weary souls (Matthew 11:28). Coming to Jesus means we pour out our hearts and our hurts to Him.

God already knows every situation we face, but He wants us to express our struggles to Him. That’s our privilege as children of a loving Father. He invites us to come boldly to His throne of grace, where we will find help in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16). When we are completely honest with God, we find relief from the conflict and pain we feel.

He listens to us patiently and lovingly, but we must also listen to Him. His healing words bring us comfort, and His wisdom guides us. His direction brings rest for our souls and enables us to overcome our painful struggles.

We are a frail bunch. Oh, we do our best to look strong, but at some point, even the most “got-it-together” Christ-follower can experience a meltdown. I’ve been there many times. And when I am, I go to God and say: “Dear Jesus, I can’t do this without You. I am undone, broken, crushed, and devastated. I need the Holy Spirit to invade every part of my being. I need Your help!”

Every time I’ve turned my eyes totally to Jesus Christ, my God has overshadowed the situation and poured His unfailing love over me. He brings comfort, wisdom, healing, and restoration into my life. He keeps me going!

Entering God’s rest doesn’t just happen; we obtain it by drawing close to God. Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The Lord your God is with you; He is mighty to save. He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing” (BSB). Proclaiming God’s promises over a situation helps keep our minds on Him and keeps us from losing hope. As we declare His truths over all that concerns us, the power of His Word brings life to those things that seem lifeless. Then our faith will grow, and our doubts and unbeliefs diminish.

Stop dwelling on the painful thoughts and memories that poison our behavior. Evict them in Jesus’s name; replace them with the promises of God. Then His rest and healing will come.

I often use Psalm 23 when I am afraid. I say, “Thank You, heavenly Father, for being my best friend, my shepherd. You offer me a resting place in Your luxurious love. You restore my soul and my life. Your love takes away my fear. I’ll never be lonely for You are near.” When I’m anxious, I declare, “I am free from fear and anxiety. I fear not, for God is with me. I let the peace of God rule in my heart as I keep my focus on God and His Word.”

Yes, His love and promises bring healing for my wounds. And they will do the same for you. Draw close and declare God’s promises for yourself today.

The Rescue

My husband and I were enjoying a day on the lake when we saw a large owl struggling in the water. We drove the boat up next to it to see what we could do. I couldn’t help but wonder what had led to Mr. Owl’s predicament. I imagined his story went something like this:

Mr. Owl was soaring over the still waters, looking for his family’s morning feast, when he saw the reflection of a big, juicy bass. He swooped down and plunged his talons into the unsuspecting fish. He smiled as he lifted it from the water, thinking of how pleased his wife would be. This fish far surpassed any catch he’d ever brought home; he’d be the envy of all his neighbors.

About ten feet into his flight, Mr. Owl realized he’d taken on more than he could handle. He flapped his wings as hard as he could, but the weight of the fish pulled him down into the lake. As water saturated his spotted feathers, Mr. Owl let go of his prize.

He tried desperately to break free of the water’s talons that had taken him captive, to no avail. He struggled for hours, but finally, he gave up the fight.

Frightened and growing weaker by the moment, Mr. Owl grew angry. “How could I have been so careless?” he sputtered. “How could I have let my pride get me into this situation?” Such thoughts bombarded him as he realized the predicament he had brought upon himself and his family.

The day grew warm. The fish he’d planned to eat for breakfast nibbled on his talons, while so-called friends hooted from the treetops, a safe distance away.

No one came to his rescue. No one seemed to care that he was in real danger. The sun continued to make its way across the sky. All Mr. Owl could do was wait and hope that a rescuer would come—but who would dare to jump into these deep waters with him?

Have you, like Mr. Owl, ever found yourself isolated in deep water? I have. I’ve often chased after what pleased the eye, delighted the ears, gratified the flesh, or satisfied my appetite…without considering the consequences. And inevitably, I’ve found myself struggling to stay afloat, unsure of how to get myself free.

It is then that I come to my senses and cry out, “God, help me. I’ve made a mess of things again. Please come to my rescue and lead me safely to shore.”

You know, sometimes the things that weigh me down aren’t bad. But I’ve learned that even good things, if they aren’t God things, can keep me from soaring as God intends.

In Psalm 18, King David tells us about a situation he found himself in. “The ropes of death entangled me,” he says. “But in my distress I cried out to the Lord…my cry to him reached his ears.… He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters…. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me” (Psalm 18:4, 6, 16, 19).

Did you know that God delights in you, too? He loves you and has great plans for your life. And He wants to help you fulfill those plans, no matter who you are or what you’ve done.

He’s just waiting for you to cry out to Him in surrender, and when you do, He will come to your rescue—just like He did for David, for Mr. Owl, and for me. Let me finish telling you what happened that day.

As Tim and I surveyed Mr. Owl’s situation from the boat, we realized unless we intervened, this beautiful creature was going to drown. I got ready to jump into the water, but Tim warned me, “Kristi, that thing’ll light you up!”

I looked around the boat for something that would keep a safe distance between me and Mr. Owl’s sharp beak and talons. I found the perfect tool—a life vest. A plan unfolded in my mind’s eye. I would float the vest horizontally on the water and gently push the owl from behind his neck to shore. Life vests are, after all, created to save lives.

I jumped in and swam toward Mr. Owl. He twisted his head around slowly and stared at me, but he didn’t attempt to get away. He was too tired. I placed the vest against his neck and began to swim toward shore. Mr. Owl watched me with his big yellow eyes the entire time. They were absolutely beautiful.

When we touched land, he quickly hopped out of the water. His newfound energy startled me. Would he attack me? He jumped a few more feet, then stopped. Slowly, he turned his whole body around to face me, looked me in the eyes, and blinked real slow as if to say, “Thank you.” I kid you not!

He stayed on the shore for quite some time. Finally, he had enough strength to hop to the base of a tree, then he flew to a low-hanging limb. An hour later, Mr. Owl flew off, fishless but alive, and with quite a story to tell. I love how God provides a way out, even for His creatures.

I don’t know what deep waters surround you, and I don’t know how long you’ve been struggling to get free, but if you’re ready to set your feet on solid ground, I have hope for you. God is prepared to rescue you. He’s just waiting for you to realize that you need Him. The minute you give up the fight, surrender your will to His, and call on the name of Jesus, He will swoop down from heaven and, in His perfect timing and His perfect way, bring you safely to shore.

Now, I don’t want to suggest that your rescue will necessarily be instant or even pleasant. God may not snatch you immediately out of your situation; it would be too much for you. Like Mr. Owl, you might have a long swim ahead of you. But that’s okay, because you aren’t alone in the water. God, your Life Preserver, is in the water with you. He’s protecting you, providing for you, teaching you, and making a way where, before, there was no way.

He’s also bringing other people into the water to help you. Please don’t “light them up” or push them away. And don’t rush the journey; embrace it. Enjoy your swim with God and His rescuers. He, and they, have much to teach you, so you’ll be ready to soar when you reach the safety of the shoreline.

But maybe you’re not the one in trouble. Maybe you’re safe and dry on the boat. Tim and I were very much a part of Mr. Owl’s story. He wouldn’t have made it without our help. Life is like that too. People all around us are stuck in the waters of this world for reasons we may not understand or appreciate.

But they need our help, and they need it now. Men, women, and children everywhere are crying out to God to be rescued, and you and I, as believers in Jesus Christ, have the life preserver they require. We have the Good News of His salvation, His Word, His love, and His hope. It’s time we get in the water! They may be drowning in unfamiliar waters like addiction, prison, sex trafficking, mental disease—but don’t be afraid. God is with you as you jump in. Whatever you need, He will provide.

Perhaps you’ve refused to get into the water, even though you see people in need. You might think, they got themselves into that mess; they can figure a way out. That’s not how God thinks.

God doesn’t focus on why someone is in the water; instead, He focuses on saving the one who’s drowning. John 3:17 says, “God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.”

God is calling us—me and you—to lay aside our judgments, our fears, and our prejudices and get in the water. For their sake and ours.

Change Your Course

It’s so much easier to keep doing the same things we’ve always done than it is to make the changes we know we need to make. Maybe we consider the money and time we’ve invested, or maybe we’re overwhelmed with fear, guilt, worry, or even pride as we imagine the potential repercussions of making that change. “What if” scenarios cloud our vision and keep us pressing forward on that old path, even though we know we shouldn’t take another step in that direction.

There’s a story in 2 Chronicles 25:6–10 that teaches us about God’s faithfulness during change. King Amaziah was setting out to war against the Edomites. He had strengthened his own army by hiring 100,000 mercenaries from Israel and paying them 100 talents of silver for their military expertise.

But as he readied his troops, a man of God warned Amaziah that if he moved forward with the men from Israel, he would be defeated, because the Lord was not with Israel. Even if Amaziah’s army went and fought with all the courage they could muster, they would still be defeated.

Amaziah asked the man of God, “But what about all the money I paid for these Israelite troops?”

The man of God replied, “The Lord can give you much more than that.” And so, relying on that promise, Amaziah dismissed the mercenaries and sent them home.

For me, this would have been difficult. I mean, these were trained men of war who, humanly speaking, should have bettered Amaziah’s chances of winning. And then there’s that money! In today’s economy, 100 talents of silver would have been millions of dollars. He’d already invested the money; it couldn’t be recouped.

But the biggest hang-up for me would’ve been the reaction of the people. I’d have worried that the people I was sending home—men fired up and ready for battle— would be a bit perturbed with my decision. Not to mention that my advisors would think I’d lost my mind!

So how did Amaziah walk away from his commitment and investment and obey God without looking back? Easy. He trusted the promise, “The Lord can give you much more than that.”

That statement pretty much settled it for the king. Would it have settled it for you? I’ve already admitted it would have been a hard pill for me to swallow.

This passage, and really the entire Bible, teaches us that if we want victory, we must obey God, even when it’s hard. We have to be willing to let go, to cut loose, and to move forward in a different direction when the Lord instructs us to do so.

Over the past six years, God has directed me to change my course. He’s asked me to let go of things and people and plans. Things I had invested large amounts of time and money into. At times I resisted as I counted the cost and worried about the reactions and judgments of those around me. Surely, I thought, if I just keep pressing forward in faith with courageous perseverance, I’ll be victorious. But I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, that true victory—like God’s blessing—comes only through obedience. (See Deuteronomy 28.)

I don’t know what God is leading you to do or what changes He’s asking you to make, but whatever it is, you can trust Him. Lay aside your concerns about all you’ve invested. God can give you more than that. Don’t worry about other people’s reactions or judgments. You can’t control that. The Bible says those mercenaries were furious and acted out their anger, but that didn’t affect Amaziah’s victory! It only affected theirs.

No matter the cost, remember: God’s got your back. Your only responsibility is obedience; God will take care of the rest. And He will more than redeem all that is lost. †

The Power of Prayer

The local headline read, “Emerson Faces 76 Years.” The national headlines weren’t any better: “Jail Term Set in Extortion” and “Man Suspected in Hoax Charged in Pennsylvania.” It looked like my dad would be going away for good.

In 1983, the FBI arrested my father for a string of crimes including 26 counts of extortion across three states. His addiction to drugs, alcohol, and gambling had driven him to find creative and bold ways to get the money needed to support his lifestyle—a lifestyle that I observed from a distance as a young teen.

Our relationship could have been described as shallow and lacking substance. He was not what you’d call a role model. My mother and father were divorced before I can remember, and he was largely absent while I was growing up.

His father before him had departed also, but differently. Abandoning his family when my father was just a child, my grandfather had left no trace. We didn’t even know if he was alive.

Things just did not look good on that side of my family tree. As a young man, you’re supposed be able to look up into that tree and find inspiration, not incarceration. Legacy, not felony. With no good father figure in my life, my own trajectory and destiny were questionable at best. I searched for different things to fill the void in my heart. I am certain the prayers of godly people from the other side of my family tree are all that kept me from following my father’s path early on.

My father’s incarceration caused him to miss a number of critical events in my life. Fathers are supposed to be there when you get your license, your first car, graduate from high school, and all those other milestones. You’re supposed to see him in the audience, hear his encouragement and support from the stands. But if there were cheers, I couldn’t hear them coming from my father’s prison cell. And each missed event added another layer of bitterness to my growing pile of disillusionment and disappointment.

But God was already moving in our lives.

My father was sent to a federal prison hospital in Springfield, Missouri, to start serving his time. Shortly after his arrival, fellow inmates invited him to some church services held by volunteers from a local church. Hurting and broken, he agreed to attend, but he was not the kind of guy who wanted a hug from a volunteer, and he told them so.

It wasn’t long before he found himself responding to the gospel of Jesus Christ, and a transformation began to take place. He didn’t go to that prison hospital for a heart transplant, but he got one when he accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior.

He didn’t know it yet, but that decision and another he made there—based on Joshua 24:15: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”—would impact our family for generations to come.

As my father began trusting God with his life, he began praying for the other people he cared about. With good reason, two of his biggest concerns were my brother and me. During their phone calls, my mother would tell him about the trouble we were getting into, and he was all too familiar with the direction we were heading.

Another concern was his estranged father, whom he had not heard from in over 30 years. Regardless, he started praying and, in his Bible reading, he ran across Psalm 138:8: “The Lord will perfect that which concerns me” (NKJV).  His prayer for all of us was simple: “God, please send someone to share the gospel with them.” My father wanted us to experience the same love and forgiveness that he had come to know through Jesus Christ.

His bold prayers began a slow-moving chain reaction in my family tree, although the answers were not exactly the ones my father expected. The fruit of the Holy Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—began showing up in his life. They were evident in his writings, phone calls, and our visits. I saw the change in my father, but I didn’t yet understand it.

After serving his federal time, my father had yet to face his state time, but favorable sentencing released him in less than five years. It was clear that God had plans for him. Upon leaving prison, opportunities to go back inside and minister to others began presenting themselves.

Meanwhile, my own trouble had begun, and my solutions for dealing with it were not working. I was in the Navy and recently separated from my wife. Heartbreak was a common occurrence, and the things I had put my hope in were letting me down. At a desperate place in my life, I went looking for something to relieve my pain, to fill the hole in my heart. One day, I found myself so desperate that I grabbed a Bible and a phone, crawled into my bunk, and called my father for help. Simply put, he had access to a power that I did not have, and I needed relief.

I told him what was happening and, through tears, I asked “Where do I go to find the help I need? I have a Bible—what page number do I turn to?” Our unresolved issues no longer mattered. I didn’t even care that my bunkmate was hanging out in the rack above me. All I knew was that, if this God were real, I needed His help. The pain was too great, and my efforts to fix things were not working.

I read the verses my dad recommended, but I kept trying to fix things in my own strength. I didn’t understand the concept of surrendering entirely to God. Things got worse.

I returned from the Gulf War with a broken relationship, a broken car, no money, and uncertainty all around. I was lost. But in the middle of that very dark time, my father showed up. He was waiting on the pier when we arrived; he was there when I really needed him. God had been preparing both him and me for this moment.

He came to live with me, and for the first time, I realized my need for Christ. God used my father to share the gospel with me so my life could be forever changed. I laid all my heartache, brokenness, and sin at the foot of the cross, where I found forgiveness and wholeness.

When you finally understand the context and depth of your own depravity and experience God’s forgiveness, you will run to forgive others. Colossians 3:13 encourages us to “forgive as the Lord forgave you.” That’s what I did, and my relationship with my dad was restored.

But the restoration story doesn’t end there. In 1993, my father traveled to Florida for a ministry conference. As he prepared to return home on the last night, he felt led to open the phone book on the nightstand in his hotel room. Right there, in black and white, was his father’s name, Allen M. Emerson, Sr.

The next morning my father called the number he’d found. He asked the man who answered if he had a son born on a certain date, and the man said he did. They agreed to meet. That day, my father and grandfather were miraculously reunited after 30 years. Their relationship was restored and, for the next nine years, they called and visited each other often. But my grandfather did not yet know Christ, so my father’s prayers continued.

When my grandfather was on his deathbed in the hospital, my father read Jesus’s words in John 14:1 to him. “Do not let your heart be troubled,” he said. “You believe in God; believe also in Me.” As he breathed his last, my grandfather came to know Jesus. And again, God had answered my father’s prayer to send someone to share the gospel— but instead of someone else, He used my father to reach those he was concerned about.

God has used my father to bring hope to thousands behind bars during a 30-year career in prison ministry. If you’re reading this from prison, I haven’t been where you are. But I’ve been where your children are. You may not be able to reach out to them physically, but your loving heavenly Father hears your prayers. He knows your concerns, and when you put your trust in Him, He will use you to impact your family as well as those around you.

Prayer is a powerful thing, and God can do miracles when we have faith that He will do what we cannot. My father’s prayers from prison changed the course of history for our family. Your prayers can do the same. Reach out in faith to Him today.  †

Change the Equation of Your Life

I spent 20 years in prison on what I call the installment plan. I’d be incarcerated for a while, get out and try to do right, then mess up and head right back. Breaking this cycle seemed impossible.

Life started out pretty good for me, but then my parents split up. Mom took me and my siblings and moved to New York. She did the best she could, but a single mom raising three kids alone in Queens, New York, isn’t a good situation. I was 11 and thought I was tough. It wasn’t long before she lost me to the streets.

As I grew up, sin gained a strong hold on my life. I followed the impulses of my heart and flesh with no regard of what it might cost to me or anyone else. Sometimes I realized my need to make better choices, but I never set myself up to actually make them. I stayed in the same circle of friends and hung out in the same places on the street…and without fail, I did stupid again.

In 2014, I found myself back in Florida and in the Duvall county jail, facing serious time because of my past record. While I was there in the jail pod, an inmate told me about his plans to participate in a program at the Trinity Rescue Mission in Jacksonville, Florida, when he completed his time. Soon after that, we were each transferred to separate facilities within the Florida Department of Corrections. I didn’t see him again until 2018, when I got out of prison.

Once released, I set out to start my life over. Again.

I was going to be a truck driver. I had earned my certificate of completion for a Florida commercial driver’s license while in prison. I had an excellent driving record, so I thought this career path would be a perfect fit for me—I could make good money, and I’d get to travel.

I soon found out, however, that my certificate and excellent driving record couldn’t compete with my rap sheet. Every time a company discovered my past criminal record, I was turned away as a liability. I can understand their position, but the constant rejection was hard to take.

For 90 days, I tried to get a job, with no success. I was frustrated. I wanted to do the right thing—and I was trying to do it—but it wasn’t working out. I was just about to give up, when the Lord intervened in my life.

I borrowed a friend’s car for a week and drove aimlessly around Jacksonville. One day, I found myself parked in a field across from a building. A lot of people were waiting for the building to open so they could get food. I had no idea at the time that it was the Trinity Rescue Mission that fellow inmate had told me about.

I walked across the street to get a bite to eat, and much to my surprise, there on the porch was the guy I had met in jail in 2014. He didn’t recognize me, but the next day when he saw me, he called out, “Stan Pinochle.”

Stan was my first name. Pinochle was the card game I had taught him in jail. Man, was he ever terrible at that game! We shook hands and marveled at seeing each other again. I sat down on the porch and started telling him how I was struggling. I had been out of prison for 90 days and still couldn’t get it together. I was about to give up like I’d done so many other times before. It just seemed easier to go back to prison than to keep trying to make it on the outside. But deep inside, I didn’t want to go back. I wanted a different life.

My friend told me to go inside and ask to be part of the program. I remembered that’s what he had done when he got out. As I turned to go inside, he said, “Stan, whatever you do, don’t leave the program.” Then he told me it wouldn’t be easy, but if I stuck with it, I could make a lasting change.

I started the program and soon realized why I hadn’t been able to change all those other times—I’d never brought God into the equation of my life. Every time, I had attempted to change in my own strength. Even though I believed in God and had even accepted Jesus as my Savior 18 years before in New River prison, I’d never thought to bring Him into my life. I had kept Him at a distance, never realizing He could help me change. And I had kept godly people at a distance too.

I hadn’t realized the importance of surrounding myself with people who would help redirect my sinful thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors or who would teach me about God. Trying to change without God and the godly example of others doesn’t work. I’m proof of that.

I entered the program and met a Jewish believer named Barry Luxenberg, the director of the Freedom Farm. Usually you have to be at the mission for 90 days before you can go to the farm, but after 25 days, Barry invited me to move up. I wanted to go, but I knew I needed to finish the full 90 days at the mission first. He thought I was crazy, but I had never finished anything in my life. My completing what I’d started was crucial to my future success.

I completed the program and went to the farm. Barry recognized leadership qualities in me and put me where I could develop them. It felt good to have someone who believed in me. Barry spoke into my life in ways no one else had ever done, except my mom and sister. For years, they had tried to tell me the importance of having God in my life and making better choices, but I wouldn’t listen to them.

Thankfully, God sent other people like Barry to open my ears and show me how to live a life of godliness. Barry and others at the farm are answers to my momma’s lifelong prayers.

I’ve spent so much time with Barry now that I’ve picked up many of his characteristics. The guys at the farm have given me the nickname, Black Barry. We’ve all had a good laugh over this, but it serves as a great reminder that we become like those we hang out with. When I surrounded myself with people drawn to sin, I became like them. But when I chose to draw close to God, and when I surrounded myself with godly influences, my behavior finally changed. Sin no longer had a hold on me.

Perhaps you’re ready for a different life. You’re ready to break the cycle of what e ver has been holding you back. If that’s you, bring God into the equation of your life and surround yourself with people who will help you walk in freedom.

With His help and theirs—and honest commitment on your part—you can finally do it the right way. †

Trusting God as Your World Crumbles

My husband and I learned that our infant son, Shawn, had a heart murmur when he was one day old. His primary care physician detected it and sent us to a children’s hospital for an echocardiogram. The situation wasn’t dire. The doctor just needed a benchmark for the future.

Almost two years later, however, the physician noticed Shawn’s heart murmur had increased, and he ordered another echo. My husband wasn’t able to go to the appointment with me, so I was alone when the pediatric cardiologist told me that Shawn now needed open-heart surgery. His heart was 80 percent blocked.

When my husband picked me up and asked how the appointment had gone, I replied, “What would be your worst-case scenario?” He knew immediately what the doctor had said.

We went out to eat and attempted to act normal. When the hostess asked how my day was going, I smiled and defaulted to, “I’m fine.” How do you tell a stranger you just got the worst news of your life?

The surgery was set for six weeks out. Shawn romped about, blissfully unaware of what lay ahead—but I was completely on edge. The doctors’ warnings about potential complications made me hypervigilant, and I grew more exhausted by the day.

Back then, whenever I faced a problem, my solution was to fight my way through it. I’m an athlete, so I’m used to persevering. “Buck up and toughen up,” I’d say. The motto had always served me well, but in this situation, it didn’t. My toughness wasn’t helping one bit.

Those six weeks seemed like eternity, and I was coming undone. I prayed like I knew I was supposed to, but I remained unsettled, overwhelmed with what ifs. What if he dies in his sleep tonight? What if the surgery doesn’t work? What if the surgery goes fine, but on the car ride home, we get in an accident? Every imagined scenario increased my dread and fear.

My spirit was ragged. I prayed and read my Bible, but I had no peace. I was so used to being in control, to fixing every situation that came my way. There was no fixing this, and being tough wasn’t solving anything. I kept gritting it out, nonetheless.

I began experiencing abdominal pains. At first the doctor thought it was sympathy pains or a byproduct of stress. Suddenly, I was hospitalized and undergoing surgery myself for three different issues.

Life moved forward at a tediously slow pace. Mentally, I was in a haze as I recuperated, but I continued planning for Shawn’s upcoming surgery. I had to find someone to watch our daughter while we were at the hospital. Our family would be apart at Christmas. I was worried. I was sad.

Then I’d think about my son’s situation, and I’d go from sad to downright terrified. They were going to saw his sternum in half, stop his tiny heart, and put him on a heart-lung bypass machine during the operation. Every fiber of my being was full of dread. All these emotions made me weaker by the day.

I knew I was supposed to trust God to protect my children. And in past situations, I had placed them on the figurative altar without a lot of difficulty. But this time, the situation seemed too big to surrender. I just couldn’t find the courage to give Shawn fully over to God. Worry kept taking over.

But then I thought of Abraham and how God had asked him to place his son, Isaac, on the altar and offer him as a sacrifice (Genesis 9). The only way Abraham could have faced that incredible situation was by completely trusting God. I finally realized the only way I would get through this was by releasing my control and resting in His loving arms. I needed to stop looking at all my crazy what-if scenarios and focus on God—the only One who could see our family through this situation. And when I finally did let go and trusted Him, I found peace.

Through all of this, I continued pouring out my heart to the Lord. I wrote raw and honest journal entries about all that was bottled within me. I read Scripture verses and focused on God’s promises. I kept in touch with friends via email and read their encouraging responses. And God strengthened me as I relied on Him.

Finally, it was time for Shawn’s pre-op blood draw. In the waiting room, my husband and I noticed a stash of books on a cart. A sign offered them as free for the taking. We loved the idea of books being available to children at such an uncertain point in their lives, and on our way home, we discussed ideas for a book drive.

We began telling people about our idea, hoping to take a good collection with us on the day of surgery. To our amazement, our community of friends rallied for the cause. With their help, we donated over 1,000 books to the hospital!

I knew collecting those books would bless others, but I didn’t foresee how they would impact my life. The book drive caused me to focus on a worthy cause instead of the negative circumstances in my life. I learned that helping others during difficult times brings joy.

The day finally came for Shawn’s surgery. God was so near to our family during this time. We clearly saw the evidence of His heart toward us. When our brakes failed on the way to the hospital, God protected us from an accident and provided a replacement vehicle. He sent family and friends to the waiting room to comfort us. He even provided opportunities for us to encourage others. We were able to pray with the nurse assigned to bring us operation updates when she sheepishly admitted she was nervous because her daughter was having her tonsils removed.

My husband and I spent four nights in that hospital with our son, and we learned some great lessons on being thankful. One mother in the cardiology wing had been living there with her daughter for six months. After several surgeries, there were still no signs of improvement. Another family’s daughter couldn’t be jostled in the ambulance during her transport to the hospital. The parents had followed that ambulance for an hour at the agonizing pace of 10 mph. Hearing heart-wrenching stories like these certainly caused us to count our blessings.

That Christmas, we treasured the gift of the health we had in a new way. Shawn’s surgery was a success, and we came home grateful to God for the many lessons He had taught us. We emerged from that experience knowing God much more personally than we had before. Two years later, when Shawn faced another open-heart surgery, we approached that one with confidence because we knew from past experience that God was with us.

Because of Shawn’s surgeries, doors have opened for us to minister to international children who come to the United States for open-heart surgeries through the Children’s Heart Project, a Franklin Graham outreach program. God has allowed us through this particular “mess” to proclaim a message for His glory.

If you met Shawn today, you’d never know what this young man went through. He has received a clean bill of health for many years now. He’s not on regular medications anymore. He plays sports like other kids and, a just couple summers ago, he learned to water ski. What brings the most joy is watching our son use his story to tell others about the faithfulness of God. You can read his story on page 18.

Maybe you’ve received news lately that has rocked your world, and you’re trying to face it with a “buck up and toughen up” mentality. Let the Lord be your refuge and strength, your ever-present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). It’s the only way.

Ask God to help you turn your thoughts heavenward instead of focusing on the pain around you. Read His life-giving Word, surround yourself with encouraging friends, look for ways to serve others during your own painful trials, and remember to give God thanks for what you have. As you trust Him, you will find the strength and peace you need to face whatever lies ahead.

God is faithful. He is near. And He will see you through. †

Resisting Temptation

I grew up in church—my mom made sure of that. But what I knew about God didn’t make it to my heart. As I got older, I chose a lifestyle that was far from godly. I smoked cigarettes and marijuana, drank alcohol, watched pornography, and slept around.

I remember many nights, hearing my mom say, “Robby, you need to turn your life over to the Lord!” Even intoxicated, I knew she was right; but I just didn’t want to do it. To keep my parents happy though, I kept going through the motions—I went to church and even played drums during the service. But during the week, I did whatever I wanted.

Yet, God was tugging at my heart to surrender my life to Him. I remember smoking weed with a friend while watching pastors on television—even then, the Holy Spirit was drawing me to Himself.

One Sunday, when I was 23 years old, I finally gave way to Him. I was playing drums for a special service. Missionary Essie Jones, a longtime member, was sharing the importance of turning one’s life over to Christ, when she suddenly stopped, turned around, and pointed her finger right at me.

“Robby,” she said, “you need to turn your life over to Christ.”

I felt like we were the only two people in that sanctuary. The Holy Spirit in her was speaking straight to my spirit, and I couldn’t turn away from her gaze. I knew it was time to give my life to God. It was time to move forward, to go from knowing about God to knowing Him. I had gone through the motions long enough.

I got up from the drum set and walked toward the altar. As I did, the Lord showed me through a vision how Satan had sought to destroy my life through my relationships. I saw the trap houses where I had hung out, those places where drugs are sold. I saw strip clubs and heard the music. I saw the women I had chased after for sex. And then, God revealed that by immersing myself in a culture that said I could do whatever I felt like doing, I had fallen prey to the enemy, and I was being held captive by him.

I realized that I didn’t want to be Satan’s captive any longer, and I accepted Jesus as my Savior and Lord that day. I wasn’t suddenly gifted with a deep knowledge of God’s Word; I simply had a revelation that I needed to change what I did and who I did it with. I understood that was the only way I could gain true intimacy with God and stay clear of the enemy’s traps.

I went to my friend’s house, the one I’d hung out with since elementary school. I told him I’d given my life to Christ and that I couldn’t do the things we used to do together anymore. Thankfully, he understood, but that was the last time we hung out.

Not long after, the Lord put on my heart to move to Orlando. I thought God was giving me a fresh start by removing me from the people and places that tempted me. He opened a door for me to attend a prestigious automotive school. I’d always loved cars but never thought I could do anything with them. I certainly didn’t expect to attend there because of the cost of tuition. But then, I received a loan that I never should have qualified for, based on our family’s financial position. Who was I to say no?

I moved to Orlando in faith and found an apartment that provided the first three months rent free! I could see God’s hand at work in my life.

I went to school, joined a local church, and continued to study God’s Word. I bought a Bible and was doing my best to understand it. God led me to an evangelist named Ravi Zacharias. His radio and video teachings helped me have a deeper understanding of God’s Word. God used him to answer deep questions like who created God and why would a good God allow evil in the world? Dr. Zacharias was the only person I had ever heard say, “It’s okay to have questions.” God used him to move me past the milk of salvation to the meat of the Word (1 Corinthians 3:2).

I continued to grow in my faith and tried my best to live according to God’s Word. My actions couldn’t save my soul—only Jesus could do that—but I knew they would keep me in close fellowship with the Lord.

Three months after I accepted the Lord, however, I jumped into a relationship with a girl who I thought for sure was “the one.” We made the mistake of getting intimate, and after that experience, I fell into a deep depression. I believe I opened myself up to this darkness by choosing to walk in disobedience to God’s will.

The experience made me realize the seriousness of following the Lord, and it gave me more of a dedication to God. I never wanted to feel that darkness in my life again. I committed to God that I would remain pure until He blessed me with a wife. It would be a long three years of celibacy.

Before this commitment to God to live in sexual purity, I hadn’t thought much about the devil, but now it seemed I met him around every corner. Everything and everyone that had ever been a source of temptation in my life was right in front of my face. I lived in a constant test.

It was crazy—before I gave my life to Christ, I had aggressively sought relationships with women. I’d viewed pornography since I was ten years old. I had an appetite for fast and easy women, but those relationships didn’t always come easy.

Well, they didn’t, until the day I told God I would avoid them. After that, women were coming after me and blatantly asking me to have sex!

I worked the late shift at a convenience store near a popular nightclub strip. Women would come to the station to gas up their cars before they went clubbing and give me their numbers. Over and over again, I’d have to say no to their advances and throw their numbers away. One night, I decided I’d had enough. I took the trash out behind the store and vented to God by the dumpster.

“Lord, why does this have to be so hard? Why do I have to keep resisting the same temptation every single day?” Surely I’d passed this test by now.

I can’t tell you how many times I knelt down on the pee-covered bathroom floor at that store. How many times I cried out amid the stench—“Oh God, keep me strong! Help me to keep saying no!” I knew I didn’t want to go back to who I had been before, but I couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t  just keep these women away from me. Why did I have to keep resisting?

I didn’t get an answer from God that night, but He did give me the strength I needed to continue to say no. He reminded me that these women were traps from the enemy, and recognizing the enemy’s tactics helped me stay strong. During this time, I learned the importance of respecting my flesh. Just because I was a Christian, that didn’t mean I could put myself in any situation and say, “I trust You, God, to get me out of this mess and keep me strong.” No—I had to be wise.

Being wise required me to actively set up boundaries that would keep me from further tempting myself. The devil tempts me enough with his devices—why would I want to add more temptation through disobedience? I had to restrict myself from watching certain television shows and movies and from going places where women were presented promiscuously. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to see a woman’s thighs and resist temptation. I knew I’d want more. So I protected myself by refusing to allow sexual images into my mind. This required dedication and a strong desire to be pure.

To resist any temptation, you must start with a desire to be whole. Desire matures to faith. Faith matures to belief that you can and will be whole. Beliefs, acted on daily, become reality. I set out to starve the evil desires within me. I would not feed them anymore, because I knew whatever I fed would grow; whatever I starved would die.

God walked with me during this time, but it was still hard. Every day, my flesh wrestled with an enemy who taunted me with the things I wanted most. And every day, I had to resist them, over and over again.

Resisting temptation is never easy. The Bible tells us that if we resist the devil, he will flee from us (James 4:7). Resist, in its original Greek form, means to put up a fight, to strongly oppose one’s adversary and refuse to give ground. Resisting isn’t for sissies! It’s an act of war, and that war may last awhile. You must be prepared to fight no matter what the enemy throws against you. But as you fight, you can rest in this truth: in Christ you will have the victory (John 16:33).

Some people are delivered from strongholds immediately; I was not. My deliverance from sexual immorality was a process; it was something I had to walk through.

For so long, I had defined my worth through the relationships I had with women, even if they were only one-night stands. Those encounters made me feel important and complete. Now I understand the danger of allowing a person or thing to define your value or make you complete. Only God can do those things. Only when you are complete in Him and know your value in Him can you have a healthy relationship with another person.

In God’s time, I met a beautiful woman at church. She was on the praise and worship team, and I could tell that she was a humble, God-fearing woman. My pastor encouraged me to call her, but I wanted to make sure that was God’s will first. I didn’t trust myself to make this decision on my own. I had made those mistakes early in my walk with God, and I knew I didn’t want to make them again.

God affirmed our relationship, and she became my wife. God used my time of celibacy to make me into the husband and father I am today. I’m glad we didn’t take any shortcuts.

Are you tired of resisting the enemy? Are you begging God to remove the temptations that try your soul? I’ve been where you are. Let me encourage you today.

Keep resisting in the strength God gives you. Keep fighting. Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself from the traps of the enemy. With God, you can defeat whatever taunts you. Do your part to stay pure, and God will help you do what you can’t. He will honor your commitment and help you stay strong, and He will give you huge blessings in the end. †

Deal with Deadly Emotions

Straight up: I hated emotions. I hated feeling angry, sad, hurt, or any other emotion that didn’t make me feel good. I thought I was supposed to be happy all the time, and even when I went through hard times, I thought I was supposed to look like I had it all together. Because of those unrealistic expectations, self-harm became a quick fix for me. I could pretend to be happy all day at family gatherings, school, and even church, but when I was alone, I would face the true emotions I was really dealing with. Cutting gave me a release from the pressure to be perfect.

A huge contributing factor to my self-harm was that two family members were sexually abusing me, and I believed I had done something to deserve this. I even remember thinking that maybe if my abusers saw the scars, they would be grossed out and leave me alone. I thought if I made myself unappealing to them, they would stop. That didn’t work—but the cutting seemed to help me. It felt good because it provided a temporary distraction from the inner pain and all the fear and insecurity inside of me. It was a way of escape.

My perception of God was that He was a distant lawmaker. I thought I had to follow the rules. I’d never experienced a personal relationship with Him. The church I grew up in was all about what you could and could not do—I don’t remember ever seeing a display of love or grace.

So, even though I believed there was a God, He wasn’t a personal God to me. I knew I wasn’t perfect, so I didn’t believe He cared about me or the things I did. I certainly didn’t feel I deserved His love. I was looking for someone to blame for all the bad in my life, so if I thought about God, it was only to blame Him for my pain. In reality, He was the only one who could truly free me from pain.

My dad was physically abusive, and my mom was verbally abusive. I struggled daily, wondering if they even loved me. They told me I was fat and that I would never amount to anything. They told me I was a mistake. I figured, if my own parents didn’t want me around, why would anyone else?

It was all too much, and one night I planned to commit suicide. I didn’t really want to die, but I didn’t want to live this way either. Desperate for help, I called a lady I knew as a last cry for someone to care. She picked me up from my house and took me to hers so we could talk. She listened as I expressed all my frustrations and the tangled mess of emotions that I could not sort out on my own.

When I was done, she told me that God had a plan for my life and that He was going to take all that the enemy meant for my destruction and turn it around for my good. She also told me that, someday, I would encourage other girls who were struggling with the same things because I would understand them. But, she told me, I had to let God work in my life first.

At that moment, I knew things had to change. I wanted to stop hurting myself, but I didn’t know how to do that. Even if I could go to church every Sunday and Wednesday and read my Bible faithfully, I didn’t know how to apply what I was hearing or reading. No one had ever taught me what to do when I was struggling or how to handle difficult situations. At that point, I was still living with my family, so I couldn’t escape my circumstances. I had a hard time trusting people and was very guarded. How could I make anything change? Nevertheless, I was determined to fix the problem myself.

My addiction to self-harm had affected every relationship in my life. When I was with my friends or family and needed to cut, I would get agitated, impatient, and angry, looking for an opportunity to be alone. I had to isolate myself from everyone so I could focus on cutting. The process took time, preparation, anticipation, the act of doing so, then cleaning up, bandaging myself, and making sure I had it all together before I went back out with the people.

My life was one big, terrible cycle, and I wanted out! I heard about Mercy Ministries, a place that offered help for girls like me. God opened the door for me to enter the program.

While I was at Mercy, I realized that making a change wasn’t only about choosing new behaviors—I had to get to the root issues that were causing me to want to cut myself. Facing my problems head on and not trying to escape took a lot of work. I did not want to face all those painful emotions and memories from my past that I had spent years trying to avoid, but I had to deal with them so I could heal.

I had to make up my mind that no matter how hard it got, I was going to do whatever it took to be free. That took a lot of humility because it was something I could not do on my own. I had to reach out to God and the people He had placed around me. I also had to be vulnerable and honest.

Learning how to have a real relationship with Christ has opened my eyes to who I really am. I know that my identity does not come from past experience or who others want me to be—it’s found in who God says I am. Knowing that I am loved, cherished, wanted, valuable, and fearfully and wonderfully made gives me the courage, boldness, and tenacity to fight on.

Speaking God’s Word out loud also became an important part of my daily life as the truth began to expose the lies I believed. As I heard myself speak the truth out loud, faith rose up within me to believe it. My emotions were based on so many lies that it was important for me to renew my mind with God’s Word so that I could believe it and my emotions would line up with the truth. I set aside time to do this every day because having structure doesn’t leave much room for feelings. A huge revelation for me was that I am to live my life based on truth, not controlled by my feelings.

Healing and freedom came as I experienced the love and kindness of God. I graduated from Mercy and then got connected in a church. There, God began to use other people to demonstrate His love for me. People would come up and tell me that I was important to them and encourage me.

I was afraid others would hold my past against me, but instead, I have been surrounded with people who are willing to look beyond my past and see me as a new creation in Christ. God has brought people into my life that I have learned to trust. Through them, I have learned that if they can show me love and forgiveness like this, then how much greater is the love and forgiveness of God toward me?

My strength comes from the Lord, and through that strength, I continue to walk in freedom, forgetting what is behind, because I know God has forgiven me. He is a forgiving God—it was forgiving myself that was hard.

God does not hold our past mistakes against us once we have asked for forgiveness, so we shouldn’t hold them against ourselves either. In order to receive God’s forgiveness, I had to forgive myself. This is something I have to do daily—I must live with an attitude of forgiveness, being quick to forgive others as well as myself.

I thought that, when I graduated from Mercy, I would have my life together. I thought that if I struggled even one bit, it would mean that the last year of my life had been a waste. Obviously, this was a lie.

I have to be real and honest with other people and with myself. I have to surround myself with godly people, and I can’t let myself become isolated. I have to avoid setting myself up to struggle. God does not want me to walk in perfectionism. Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (NKJV). God understands our humanity. He does not expect us to be perfect! Knowing this brings me peace and an ability to enjoy life.

There is hope. Dealing with feelings and emotions can be scary, but they are there for a reason. God gave them to us to signal that something happening inside of us needs to be addressed. I want you to experience the freedom and victory I have found. It begins by opening your heart to God and to others who want to love you. I did, and I am forever changed.

I’m going back to school to finish my degree in psychology to become a counselor. I want people to experience the true love, joy, and peace that are found in Christ. I want to share with others what God has done in my life. In Mark 16:15, Jesus tells us to “go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature” (NKJV). That’s what I’m going to do! †

Trusting God: Your First Step to Wholeness

I had been with Mr. Wonderful a whole 21 days, when he robbed the First Tennessee Bank. A good Samaritan followed him back to where we were staying and called the authorities. That led to a three-hour standoff while Jessie had a shootout with police. I had known Jessie was a criminal, but I hadn’t expected that to cost me my freedom. Nevertheless, there I was, on December 4, 1989, in the Knox County Jail in Knoxville, Tennessee, facing charges as an accessory to bank robbery.

Jessie’s actions had knocked all the soap operas off the air that day, as the shootout was televised live locally. It was later shown on other programs like Rescue 911, Trial Watch, and Code 3. A full-spread photo of Jessie’s surrender was featured in Time magazine and was listed among the best photos of 1989.

I was found not guilty in federal court and pled to a class D felony in state court. I spent just over 13 months in jail, but I thank God for that time, because that’s where He revealed Himself to me. I entered into a relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus. I learned how valuable I am, and how great is the mercy of God. It’s greater than all my sin.

I discovered that God hears my prayers and that He is able to change even the most dire situation. Through the Bible, I came to know God as my heavenly Father, and He changed my life. His Word has given me a foundation of truth and love that no man or circumstance can ever take away.

I had read many self-help books, held various jobs, been in and out of relationships with multiple men, and enjoyed cars, jewelry, drugs, and sex—but none of it had ever made me feel whole or complete. None of it could heal my heart or fill the emptiness inside me. But Jesus Christ did.

God didn’t waste any time resurrecting my life once I was released. Would you believe that He gave me a job training banks? You tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor! Only He can take someone accused of accessory to bank robbery and enable her to be a client trainer for an international company that provides services for over 15,000 different banks worldwide.

I’ve had a wonderful career since then, and have had amazing opportunities to serve my community. Today, I go into jails and prisons to share my story with inmates. I want them to know that God can fill every void in their life. He can fill yours, too—you just need to trust Him.

Maybe trusting is hard for you. I understand that. I had a terrible childhood filled with much abuse, so I know it can be difficult to make yourself vulnerable. But taking that difficult step to trust God with your life is your first step to wholeness. God will not fail you. He will not abandon you. He’ll meet you where you are, and He will help you. His goodness and mercy will resurrect your life, just like they did mine.

God has restored everything the enemy ever took from me and everything I gave away. He has given me a life far above what I could have ever dreamed possible. All I had to do was take that first step.

Take the plunge. Put your trust in God. What He did for me, He will be faithful to do for you as well. †