First grade. So many firsts are rolled into that phrase: The first time I spent most of my daylight hours away from home. The first time I made friends with kids who were not cousins, next-door neighbors, or attended my church. It was also the first time a teacher picked me to be first among a large group of children.

The fortunate student chosen to be first in line was the leader. Responsibility, prestige, and power sat heavily on the shoulders of the child selected to lead the procession from the classroom to the bathrooms, lunchroom, or playground. Being the line leader was a coveted position.

Firsts were particularly sweet if they were earned because of a top grade, winning a spelling bee, having the neatest handwriting, or because you were the quietest when the teacher called for order in the classroom. This elevated level of first carried all the glories of being first plus the recognition that you had done something the best. Sweet, indeed!

I always wanted that lead position. I wanted everyone to think the teacher liked and trusted me most. Ahh, my wicked little heart.

Over the years, that childish thrill of recognition became an unholy desire to be first in everything. Call it a compulsion, an obsession, or a sinful heart. All are correct.

It’s remarkable how something that began so innocently became a weapon used against me by self, sin, and Satan. I even dressed up my not-God-honoring desire to be first with the spiritual claim that “Jesus deserves my best.”

The worst of it, I have realized, is that constantly pushing myself to be first—to be in the lead or run the show—meant that I was shoving God into a number-two spot in my life. I was saying my will, not thine, be done. How sad and arrogantly wicked.

When we demand first place, we will always go astray. No question. Anyone walking with or following self will be led off course. I speak from experience.

Only a fully surrendered heart that trusts God can faithfully follow Him. Jesus had this heart. He trusted God and did God’s will, even though it was hard (John 6:38).

Jesus was and is our perfect example of how to live humbly. He had every right to make everyone—all people, spiritual leaders, and governments—acknowledge Him as Number One. Only He could rightfully demand worship and acclaim as Lord of All. He is, after all, God.

But He didn’t. Instead, He fully submitted Himself to His Father’s will, even to persecution and death on the cross. He humbled Himself as an obedient servant (Philippians 2:5–11). He beautifully demonstrated how we must let go of that number-one lead position we desperately want to claim. In fact, He said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all” (Mark 9:35 NIV).

I’ll say it again—demanding to be first, insisting on being in charge, or always thinking you know best will inevitably lead you to trouble.

God will not allow you to deny Him His rightful position in your life forever. A day of reckoning will come. Surrendering yourself to God and giving up your foolish tug-of-war with Him for leadership of your life can be scary. But you can cling to this promise: God will never lead you to a place He has not already been (Psalm 139:7; Hebrews 4:15). Wherever He takes you, He is, has always been, and will always be.

Let Jesus lead—He knows the way. He’s the One who’s mapped your journey from the start. Your destination is sure, ready, and awaiting your arrival.